Tu Es Mon Soleil - Chapter 24

Ellen opened her heavy eyes and sat up with one smooth movement. She yawned lazily before getting her feet on the cold floor and glanced at the digital clock on her night stand. 

07.10

Ellen finally got up and walked to the door. She meant to go to the guest room to check on Portia, but as soon as she opened her bedroom's door, the smell of freshly brewed coffee was everywhere around the place. It only meant one thing: Portia was already awake.

Ellen found Portia in the kitchen, still with Ellen's oversized sweater on her. Portia must've just been awake, her face looked fresh because the last time Ellen checked on her at 06.20, that girl was still softly snoring under her blanket.

"Hi," Portia greeted her with a wide smile when she saw Ellen walked into the kitchen. "Good morning."

Ellen mumbled something unclear and sat on one of the tall chairs.

"Oh, god," Portia said while observing Ellen's face thoroughly. "You look horrible. There are dark eyebags under your eyes. You didn't sleep well last night?"

Ellen did feel horrible. She was still all sleepy and worn out. And that was because she woke up once in an hour all night to check on Portia's condition and to make sure that the girl was okay. She was relieved to see that the girl had a proper sleep last night. But of course there was no way she would ever tell Portia about that. As the respond, she asked her back, "How're you feeling this morning?"

"Never been better," Portia replied happily. "And I slept so well last night. Extraordinary, right? I mean, you know I rarely ever slept more than 3 hours. This is a very pleasant surprise. I slept for over 7 hours last night. And right now, I'm feeling great."

Ellen smiled. "Glad to hear that," she said. "That means that you really should spend the night here if you ever want to get another nice and proper sleep."

Portia laughed. "Or maybe, this was all because your made up bedtime story. You're gonna 'read' me the next chapter today?" Portia asked while forming the quote signs in the air with her fingers. 

"No problem," Ellen said lightly. "But after you give me some explanations."

Portia took a deep breath and bit her lip. "Yeah, I'd better give you some of it," she said slowly while smiling bitterly. "You want to wash your face while I cook the omelette for you?"

15 minutes later, they were sitting face to face on the dining table. 

"So, you wanna tell me why you were in so much pain last night?" Ellen started.

"Aren't we supposed to have our breakfast first?" Portia asked, hoping to stall without any logical reasons when in the end she would still need to tell Ellen. 

"We can talk while we eat," Ellen responded. To emphasize her words, she took the first bite of her omelette.

Portia put down her glass of fruit juice on the table and sighed. After a moment of silence and watching her tip of finger lingering the glass, Portia cleared her throat and said slowly, "There's........ a little problem with my heart. I can't be too tired."

"A little problem like what?" Ellen mumbled when Portia didn't show any sign of continuing her words.

Portia didn't answer.

"De Rossi?" Ellen called out. 

Portia lifted her face to look at Ellen. "Why do you always call me 'de Rossi'?"

"Your effort is useless," Ellen interjected flatly, "so you might as well stop trying to change the subject."

Portia pouted, then reached for her fork and started to play with her omelette.

"A little problem like what?" Ellen repeated her question.

"My heart suddenly stopped functioning in a normal way since around 2 years ago and it no longer can pump the blood as strong as it should be," Portia said reluctantly. She didn't look at Ellen at all, just staring at her juice glass on the table.

"The doctor had done numerous of tests but he still couldn't say what makes my heart weakens each day. According to him, there's a possibility that I inherit this from either my mother or my father, but since I don't even know my biological parents, it's impossible to check any health history of my family."

Portia finally lifted her face. The older woman seemed to be shocked and her blue eyes blinked staring at Portia as if she didn't believe what Portia had just told her. For a moment, neither of them made a sound nor a movement. Ellen was staring at Portia while Portia was looking away to another direction. And then Ellen said, "What else did the doctor say?"

Portia bit her lips and said, "He said, I can't be too tired, I have to look after my eating pattern, and I have to take the pills that's supposed to recover my heart." She stopped before finally decided to add, "Or at least helps to slow down its weakening process."

"Is that why you decided to leave Dee Black Dance Company?" Ellen asked. The tone of understanding was in her voice. 

Portia bit her lips again and inhaled deeply. "Doctor said I have to literally stop dancing if I don't want to worsen my heart condition. At that very moment, part of me wanted to just ignore the doctor. I mean, I'm a dancer. Dancing is my life. What else can I do if I can't dance?" she sighed wistfully. "But another part of me realized that with this condition, it's impossible for me to keep going with the hard training, like every other dancers should do, without relapsing."

"Relapsing?" Ellen asked with furrowed brows. "You mean like the attack you had last night at the party?"

"Mm," Portia mumbled, confirming.

Ellen stayed silent, seemed to be thinking for a while. Then she asked again, "Do you suffer that kind of attacks on a daily basis?"

"No. Only if I'm exhausted or if I push myself too hard," Portia answered. She shrugged. "Not often, though."

"Have you ever had any attack here?"

Portia looked up to meet Ellen's eyes. "No," she replied calmly.

"You sure?" Ellen asked again.

"Yes," Portia said. "Ed, cleaning your apartment and preparing your meals are anything but a hard work."

Portia observed Ellen's expression, anticipating the pitiful look Ellen would throw her, she had embraced herself for that. She even had prepared to defend herself if Ellen ever showed her any sign of pity. She didn't need any pity, especially from Ellen DeGeneres.

But she was wrong. When she looked into Ellen's eyes, there wasn't a trace of pity there. Instead, she saw the woman was....... angry?

"Why didn't you tell me anything about this earlier?" Ellen asked sharply before Portia could react.

"I didn't see any reason to tell you about this," Portia answered, still didn't get why Ellen was suddenly mad at her.

"No reason?" Ellen half-yelled with one of her hands in the air. 

Portia cringed hearing Ellen's voice raised up. "Yes," Portia replied stubbornly. "This is the private part of my life and it has nothing to do with you. So why should I tell you anything about this at all? And why are you yelling at me?" 

"Do I need to remind you that you spend most of your time here?" Ellen asked back exasperatedly. Oh, she was mad. But she was trying to control her voice. "Are you even aware that if anything ever happened to you here, then the blame would be on me?"

Portia pursed her lips tightly while her own anger started to rise up.

"Stupid," Ellen continued, still looking very angry, "what were you thinking, de Rossi? Why would you do all these with that condition? Why do you still come here everyday, cleaning my place, cooking my meals, with that condition? Do you want me to come home one day only to find you unconscious on the floor?"

"I told you, I'm fine! So you need not worry about finding me unconscious on the floor and no one would ever blame you or ask you to take any kind of responsibility," Portia denied loud and clear.

Her eyes were shining with anger towards Ellen. "Now you're asking me why am I still doing all this? Well, whose fault is that? Weren't you the one who force me to be your housemaid? You still dare to ask me?"

"That's because you never told me anything about your condition," Ellen reasoned as loud. "If I had known back then, I would've never let you set your foot on my apartment!"

Portia jolted and her blood escaped her face hearing Ellen's words. She swallowed, trying to organize her breathing that had suddenly stuck on her chest. She blinked when her eyes started to burn with tears behind them.

All along, Portia had thought -- hell, she was even sure -- that Ellen would pity her when she found out about her heart condition. Not that Portia was hoping that kind of reaction from Ellen. Not at all. But she had always thought that that was a common reaction from people when they knew about her condition. Never in a lifetime she ever thought that Ellen would be mad. 

And Ellen DeGeneres was mad because Portia didn't tell her from the start. She was mad because she felt burdened by Portia's 'disease'. She was mad because she didn't want to be blamed if anything ever happened to Portia in her apartment. She said, if she had known about Portia's disease, she would've never let Portia set her foot on her apartment. 

Portia couldn't even figure which one was worse; to be pitied or to be hated by Ellen DeGeneres. What she knew, right now she felt as if somebody had stabbed her right on the chest. Her heart was hurting. And the hurting almost made her unable to hold back her tears.

Very well. It's clear that Ellen DeGeneres didn't want Portia to spend any other second around her, so she'd better leave. 

Without saying anything or even looking at Ellen, Portia pushed her chair backward, got up, and marched to the guest room. Seconds later, she got out with her purse and her dress that she wore last night. She walked straight to the door, put on her long coat and high heels hurriedly. She still hasn't said anything. She was worried if she ever opened her mouth, the tears would escape her eyes. Without looking back for even once, Portia opened the door, walked outside, and slammed the door behind her.

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Dammit! Ellen cursed in her heart. Damned her. As soon as the words flowed out from her mouth, she realized how wrong it sounded. It was wrong. Very wrong. She could see Portia's expression turning from angry, to...... to something that made Ellen want to punch herself in the face. 

Oh, yes, she was angry with the girl for keeping her condition to herself and not telling her. Ellen thought, Portia was really stupid to take risks that could worsen her heart and to let Ellen treated her like a housemaid. For god's sake, Ellen wasn't a monster. Had she known about Portia's heart, she would've never force her to clean her apartment and cook her meals every single day.

Ellen felt guilty, as well. She was fully aware that she didn't always treat the girl nicely. Especially on their early meetings. Ellen tried to recall if she ever told the girl to do something that'd burden her. 

Well, many times.

She often told the girl to do this or that. She had even asked the girl to come to her apartment when she wasn't feeling well. Jesus christ.

Imagining Portia was probably relapsing and fighting the pain alone here, in Ellen's apartment, without her acknowledgment, made Ellen's body felt cold and numb. Imagining Portia might knocked unconscious here alone without her knowing anything about that made Ellen's blood froze. She didn't know what made her feel this way, but if anything ever happened to Portia de Rossi..... No, she would never let that happen.

Had she known about this earlier, she'd never tell the girl to be her 'housemaid'. There was no way she would ever do anything she had done to that girl. She would've treated the girl better. That's what Ellen wanted to say earlier. But the confusion, the shock, the anger, and the guilt had twisted her mind and made her words came out so much harsher than she meant it to be.

Now she hurt the girl. Ellen could see that clearly. The anger that was shining on Portia's eyes for a second dimmed. Then it went dead. Her face totally lost the colour and that girl pursed her lips so tightly. She didn't even look at Ellen while she inhaled and exhaled slowly.

Before Ellen could think of anything to fix her mistake, suddenly Portia pushed her chair backward loudly, stood up, and stomped away. Ellen was still stunned on her chair when Portia reappeared with her purse and her party dress. Ellen looked at the girl, trying to guess what she was doing, what she was thinking. But Portia didn't lay her eyes on Ellen at all. That girl directly walked toward the apartment's door with long strides, quickly putting on her coat and her shoes.

At that moment that Ellen realized that Portia was leaving. The girl was going to leave her angry and without saying a word. Oh, dammit, Ellen cursed herself again. What have I done?

She didn't want Portia to leave. She didn't want her to leave like this. But what should I do? Ellen asked herself. Really, Ellen couldn't think straightly. Too much was going on in her head that she couldn't even say a word to avoid the girl from passing the threshold. 

Ellen was glued to her chair when Portia swung the door opened with one quick yank. Ellen was still glued there when Portia exited her apartment and slammed the door.

When Portia walked out of her apartment, it felt like she was walking out of Ellen's life as well. And Ellen could only sit there like a dumb person she was with a hollow heart and an empty mind.

Tu Es Mon Soleil - Chapter 23

“So, that’s where you’ve been keeping your pills al this time?” Ellen asked while leaning one of her shoulders to the refrigerator.

 

By that time, they were already back in her apartment and Ellen was observing Portia pulling out a plastic bag of her medicines from one of the kitchen’s cabinets. Though her face was still really pale, that girl was already able to stand up and walk by herself. 

 

“I told you I'm already feeling well,” Portia grumbled while reorganizing her pills on the kitchen counter. “I don’t need to be watched over here.”

 

Ellen crossed her arms. “We’re not arguing about this anymore,” she stated firmly. “You’re not going anywhere tonight. You can sleep in the guest room.”

 

Portia swallowed her pills one by one, then glowered at Ellen who replied the glare with a wide smile. If that girl could be upset towards her, it’s a good sign. At least it showed her that Portia was feeling well enough to feel annoyed.

 

“By the way,” Ellen said while staring down Portia’s gown with furrowed brows, “do you also keep your clothes here?”

 

“What? No. Why?”

 

Ellen shrugged. “You look ravishing, de Rossi, trust me, but there’s no chance you’d feel comfortable sleeping in that gown.”

 

Portia looked down to her gown. “Oh,” she mumbled flatly.

 

“Don’t worry. Come on,” Ellen said and turned away, walking down the hall to her bedroom. Portia hesitated for a bit before finally decided to follow Ellen’s trail. 

 

Ellen opened her bedroom’s door widely and marched towards her wardrobe. She opened one side of the wardrobe and seemed to think for a while before pulling out a white sweater with an I <3 NY on its front side and a clean towel.

 

“Put this on,” she said and stuffed the sweater and the towel on Portia’s hands. “This sweater would definitely feel more comfortable than that gown.”

 

Portia looked down to the sweater and found herself not knowing what to say. 

 

Ellen stared at Portia, then she slightly smirked and asked, “Do you need help?”

 

Portia looked up and stared back at Ellen with furrowed eyebrows, then looked down again to the sweater on her hand and the gown that she was still wearing. And then her eyes met Ellen's while she snorted and half-laughed. “Nope, thanks very much. I’m feeling well enough to change by myself,” she said and walked out of Ellen’s bedroom, towards the guest room.

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Portia sighed to her own reflection on the mirror that was hanging on the guest room’s wall. She had already changed and now she was wearing Ellen’s huge sweater. The tip of the sweater almost touched her knees. She stretched her arms and smiled to see herself drowning in the sweater. But then her smile quickly faded. The sweater also made her look even more thinner and reminded her of how much weight she had lost in the week. 

She touched her pale white cheek and sighed once more. She knew she would have to explain everything to Ellen DeGeneres. That woman defiantly needed an explanation after everything she had witnessed earlier. Portia cocked her head to one side and wondered how did Ellen feel when she saw Portia crouching in pain. Scared? Panic? 

Initially that woman’s voice sounded panic, but then, when she held Portia and let Portia leaned over to her, Ellen’s voice sounded controlled. At that time Portia was too much in pain to pay attention to what Ellen was saying, but her low and soothing voice had managed to loosen the tense that Portia was feeling.

Yes, Ellen must’ve needed explanation, but why haven’t she asked Portia anything up until now? Portia thought that Ellen would flood her with rains of questions right after they got to the apartment. But, apparently, that woman hadn’t said anything about it at all. Why?

Portia sighed. Again. Then she turned away from the mirror and got out of her temporary room.

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Portia found Ellen in the living room. She also had already changed. The suits were replaced by grey raglan tee and a comfortable white PJ pants. She was sitting on the couch while talking to somebody on the phone when Portia showed up. Ellen looked at her and signaled Portia to come closer.

“I know,” Ellen said to her phone, “but we really needed to leave early because I suddenly remembered that I had another appointment.”

Portia sat right next to Ellen on the couch and asked, “Regina?” without emerging a voice from her mouth. 

Ellen nodded quietly before saying to her phone again, “I’ll explain tomorrow. Please send Dee my apologize, okay?”

“We didn’t even say bye to anybody earlier,” Portia mumbled with a slight furrowed brows when Ellen ended the call and threw her phone to the coffee table as she always did. “My friends must’ve been confused that I suddenly disappeared. And Dee, too. She said she wanted to talk to me and told me not to go home just yet.”

“I already asked Regina to explain about this to Dee. You don’t have to worry about anything,” Ellen said. She pointed to 2 cups of hot chocolate on the table. “For you.”

"Chocolate?” Portia asked with gleams of joy on her eyes. She leaned over her body and took the nearest cup to her. The smell of chocolate quickly pampered her smelling. She sipped it up a bit and mumbled inaudibly happily. Then she turned to Ellen and carefully asked, “What did you tell Regina?”

“Nothing,” Ellen replied, “so you really don’t need to worry.”

Portia took another sip of the chocolate and thought for a while. Without lifting her face, she asked again, “Ed, why haven’t you asked anything to me?”

Ellen now leaned over to the coffee table and took her share of chocolate. “I’m planning on asking about this tomorrow morning,” she responded. “I think, now is just not the right time."

Ellen did not pretend to not understand what Portia meant and she also did not demand any explanation right away. For that, Portia was utterly thankful. “Thank you,” Portia muttered and smiled. “I thought you were going to hold me up for questioning session right away after we got home.”

Ellen turned to her and smiled back. “I am curious. I do want to know, but I can’t possibly rain you with zillion of questions when you’re obviously not feeling well. So, we’ll talk about this tomorrow,” she said. She stared at Portia, and asked with a much softer voice, “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” Portia mumbled again. She wrapped the warm cup with both of her hands, letting the warmth roamed around her palms, arms, and body.

“Tired?”

Portia nodded. She was tired. And sleepy. This was weird, since she almost never felt sleepy. Maybe the hot chocolate did the trick.

“Well, come on, then,” Ellen said while standing up and offered her hand to Portia. “You better get some rest now.”

Portia smiled and finished her chocolate before welcoming Ellen’s hand. Ellen put both of her hands on Portia’s shoulders and softly pushed the girl to the guest room.

“Are you going to tuck me in?” Portia asked and laughed when they were already inside. 

Ellen lifted the blanket a bit and gave Portia a sign to get herself on the bed. Portia rolled her eyes, but did as Ellen wanted. She crawled up to the bed and let Ellen covered her with the blanket.

“Are you going to read me a bedtime story by now?” Portia joked and smiled.

Ellen laughed.

“Who knows it might help me to sleep well tonight,” Portia shrugged.

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Ellen sighed, but she smiled and decided to play along with Portia. “Alrighty, what kind of story do you want to hear?”

“Anything,” Portia replied and crouched to her side, trying to find a comfortable position under the blanket. “Let’s see how creative you could get.”

Ellen perched at the end of the bed and started to think thoroughly. 

“Once upon a time,” she started, “in a far, far, faraway land which was ruled by a great and wise king, there lived a girl in the village with her old aunt. The village girl had such beautiful face, golden blonde hair, mesmerizing blue eyes, and skin as pale as the moon. Geez, that girl sounds a lot like you, de Rossi. Surprising, isn’t it?”

Portia laughed, trying to steady her now wild hearbeats when she realized that Ellen was matching her with a girl in her story, the girl that she cited as ‘beautiful’. 

“Very funny. Go on.”

“And the girl loved to dance, just like you,” Ellen continued. “She danced wherever she was. In her house, in the middle of the street, in the village hall, anywhere. And eventhough she was strictly forbidden by her aunt, the girl also loved to dance in the woods, amidst the beautiful tweets of the birds and accompanied by the butterflies.”

“One day, when she was dancing in the woods like she always did, she heard a commotion. Turned out, it was the general of the kingdom with the guards. The general was –of course- a woman, and-“

Portia chuckled. “Of course she was.”

Ellen only raised one finger and continued, “-and that was the very first time the girl saw the great and well-known general with her own eyes. Oh, and do you also want me to describe how the general looked?” Ellen asked to Portia.

Portia smiled widely. “Are you going to say that the general had the same features as you?”

Ellen pretended to think hard. “Hmm…. Well, actually now that I thought about it, she actually did look a lot like me. You know, beautiful, powerful, tall, charming, and charismatic.”

Portia snorted and laughed at the same time.

“Okay, where were we?” Ellen asked again.

“The general and the guards in the woods,” Portia said in the middle of her laughters.

“Right. So there were the general and her guards. The village girl wanted to see the general from a closer look, so that she would be able to describe this amazingly rare event to her friends back at the village later on. But, somehow, her movements made the general’s brown horse jolted in all of a sudden. The general was thrown away from the horse’s back and knocked down to the ground. That accident apparently broke the general’s leg. 

“The general was furious. Oh, of course she was furious. So, she demanded for the girl to be brought to her own mansion and punished to be her personal servant.”

Portia squinted her eyes and the smiled remained plastered on her face. “Hmm, are you sure that it wasn’t the village girl who offered herself to be the general’s servant since she felt so guilty and wanted to take responsibility of it?”

Ellen pretended to think once more. “Maybe…… Well, maybe the girl did offer the general her help, but she definitely did not voluntarily sign up to be her personal servant.”

Portia laughed again. “Then, how was it? How did the girl go through her punishment?”

“That,” Ellen said firmly, “is the story for another day. Now’s time to sleep.”

“Jesus, you sound exactly like my father,” Portia groaned.

Ellen snorted, but not commenting on Portia’s words. “Just call me if you need anything, alright?” she said.

“Ed?” Portia called out when Ellen had already reached the threshold. 

Ellen turned back to Portia, one of her hand was already on the doorknob. “Yeah?”

Portia lifted herself a bit, supporting her body with her elbows. She stared at Ellen earnestly and said with loads of sincerity on her voice, “Thank you. Thank you for making me feel a whole lot better.”

Ellen smiled. “Good night, de Rossi,” she replied before she exited the room and shut the door behind her back.

Tu Es Mon Soleil - Chapter 22

Where the hell was that girl?

Ellen spreaded her eyes around the huge hall, particularly looking for Portia, but she couldn't find a trace of that girl. An hour ago, Aaron Rogers had already 'returned' Portia to Ellen after their dance. And then some of Portia's old friends from Dee Black Dance Company came to say hi to her. Ellen let Portia chat with her friends while she herself talked to some people that her brother had just introduced to her. And then Portia danced with some of her friends -- of course, after she made sure that Ellen didn't mind. And of course, Ellen didn't mind since Portia promised to dance with her one more time after she finished her dance with her friend. And they did.

But, where was that girl right now? It had been 20 minutes since that girl told Ellen that she wanted to go to the bathroom. Ellen got really worried. She knew full-well that some girls often take some time when they say they want to go to the bathroom. Either gossiping, retouching their make-ups, and god knows what else. But it had been 20 minutes. She needed to know where Portia was, she needed to make sure that she's okay.

So Ellen retreated from her brother's circle and came to Kelly who seemed to be having a hot debate with 2 other girls about the pros and cons of using Tinder. Ellen smoothly interjected, "Excuse me, ladies, I hope you don't mind if I borrow my cousin here for a while."

Both of the girls let Kelly go happily. One of them even muttered, "You can take her for as long as you need."

"What's up?" Kelly asked when Ellen pulled her to stand near the wall.

"Have you seen Portia around?" Ellen asked.

"No. Why?"

"Okay. Then we need to go to the bathroom," Ellen stated.

Kelly snorted and pulled her elbow from Ellen's grasp. "Jesus, Ellen, she's not a child that needs to be look after. She's a grown up woman who's capable of taking care of herself. And for your information, cousin, being a possessive lover is soooo last year. Do you understand? Absolutely not appealing."

Ellen took a deep breath, then glared at Kelly. "I'm not possessive. It's been 20 minutes since she said she needed to go to the bathroom," she explained calmly. "I just want to make sure that she's alright."

Kelly squinted at Ellen for a while, and then gave up. "Oh, alright. Let's go," she sighed and dragged Ellen down the long hall.

They entered the vast bathroom and it was empty. 

"Portia?" Ellen called out hesitantly. No answer. 

"She's not here," Kelly concluded easily.

Ellen frowned and asked, "Do you have any idea where else she might be?"

Kelly shook her head slowly and walked out of the bathroom, followed by Ellen.

"Thanks, Kelly. I'll look for her by myself then," Ellen said before Kelly walked back to the party. 

"Where are you...." Ellen mumbled to herself and pulled out her phone, calling Portia.  Some ring tones signaling that Portia's phone was active rang and Ellen walked towards the wide opened double glass doors, leading to a small, yet beautiful garden. 

The air was cold and Ellen put her hand on her trouser's pocket. The garden was dark and there was nobody to be seen. The only vague light came from the 4 garden lamps that stood on each corner of the garden. The guests for sure preferred to be inside the building and stay warm, but Ellen needed to get away from the noise to call.

Portia didn't pick up. Ellen tried one more time and brought up her phone to her ear. She descended the stoney stairs and stood in the middle of the small pathway, waiting patiently for Portia to pick up.

Suddenly, she heard a vague sound of phone ringing that stunned her. She brought down her phone and listened carefully. It was a phone ringing. Without disconnecting the call, she walked down the pathway, looking for the source of the sound that she recognized as Portia's ringtone. 

She took a turn at the corner of the building, continued walking down the pathway, then she suddenly stopped dead on her track and her eyes widened in shock seeing the view in front of her.

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Portia just exited the bathroom and wanted to go back to the party when she suddenly felt a pang of pain inside her chest. The pain came so suddenly that she needed to stop and reach for the wall in order to keep herself on her feet. Not wanting to make a fuss, Portia hurriedly walked toward the opened door near her and got herself in a small garden. 

The cold air of December greeted her, but Portia wasn't given a second to even realize how cold it was, because as soon as she set a foot on the garden, the pain on her chest attacked her mercilessly. She groaned in pain and shut her eyes. She tried to manage her breathing while placing herself on one of the wooden benches there.

Pills, Portia thought while biting her under lip, enduring the pain. My pills. With great effort, she opened her purse with her trembling hands, and desperately spilled everything to the bench. She took the plastic tube frantically, opened it and took a pill that she eagerly swallowed. She let her purse and her phone fell to the ground. She brought her hand that was squeezing the tube to her chest, hoping that it could ease the pain a bit, even though she knew it wouldn't work.

Suddenly her phone rang. Portia almost didn't realize it inbetween her pain and her effort to breathe normally. Her sight was getting blurry and she had to support her body with her other hand to keep her from falling off the bench.

A single tear rolled down her cheek while she writhed in pain. She wanted the pain to stop. She could not let herself blacking out here. Not a chance.

Right at that moment, someone's voice broke through the fog of pain that was surrounding her brain. And then she felt somebody held her body. She opened her eyes to see Ellen DeGeneres' extremely worried face.

Portia had a break to notice how worried Ellen was because her eyes were widened in horror and it almost seemed like there was no blood left running on Ellen's face. 

"De Rossi, what's going on?" she asked. Portia could hear the frightened tone on Ellen's voice. "Hey, what's wrong?"

Oh, lord. How could she be here? Why does that woman need to see her like this? Portia tried to shake her head. Ellen sat next to her and let Portia leaned her body on hers.

"Are you sick?" Ellen asked again. "We need to get to the hospital."

Hearing that, Portia quickly squeezed Ellen's arm and shook her head harder. "No," Portia panted. Her voice only sounded like a hoarse whisper. "I'll be alright."

Ellen was about to protest, but Portia's grasp on her arm tightened and Portia added, "Already took the pill.... A minute... I'll be alright..... In a minute."

Portia knew that the woman must be upset, but Ellen didn't try to argue. She only let Portia squeezed her arm, leaning to her. And then Ellen fixed Portia's position and took off her blazer, placing it around Portia's shoulders.

"You're trembling." Portia heard Ellen muttered stiffly. She put her hand around Portia's shoulders and rubbed Portia's arm and back which was wrapped by the blazer. 

Portia let her eyes stay shut closed until her breathing got a little bit steadier and the pain on her chest lessened. She didn't know if it was for Ellen's touch or just Ellen herself, but she surely felt a bit better.

"Does it hurt that bad?" Ellen's hoarse and worried voice sounded very close from Portia's ear.

Portia startled and quivered. Ellen had seen her in her worst condition. She couldn't let anybody else see this too. She needed to go. Now. "I want to go home," she whispered with a much calmer voice. "Do you mind?"

"Not at all," Ellen replied undoubtedly. She pulled out her phone and called the driver, asking him to wait for them on the main lobby. After that, she looked at Portia and gently asked, "Can you stand up?"

Actually, Portia wasn't feeling strong enough to even move, let alone to stand up, but she knew she had to. But before she pulled herself away from Ellen, Ellen had already took the decision for her. Ellen bowed down to grab Portia's purse and phone, putting it on Portia's lap, and then stood up very slowly. One of her hand was around Portia's shoulder, the other was slipped under Portia's knees. And before she knew it, Portia was already lifted up from the bench.

"E-Ed, you really don't need to...."

"It's alright," Ellen mumbled soothingly. She fixed Portia's position on her arms and took some long strides back to the building, walking down the hall, and directly towards the main lobby.

"Thank god my hand is almost healed," Ellen snorted and half smiled. 

Recalling Ellen's hand condition, Portia only sighed softly. She was too weak and too much in pain to say sorry, or to protest, or do anything other than resting her head on Ellen's shoulder and closed her eyes. And after all, she felt comfortable being hugged like that. 

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Ellen refused to remember how she felt when she found Portia groaning in pain on the garden's bench. The coldness that roamed over her body had nothing to do with the weather and it wasn't something she had ever felt or ever wanted to feel again. Fear, confusion, worry, and panic were mixing inside her head while she didn't know what to do for the girl who was crying from enduring the pain in front of her.

And she knew that Portia was in real pain, because that girl grasped Ellen's arm so tightly that her nails dug through her white shirt, leaving some slight marks on her arm.

When they were finally on the backseat of the limousine, Portia started to breathe normally eventhough her face was still dead white. She still let Ellen's arm wrapped around her shoulder and she was also still leaning her body on Ellen's.

"Ms. DeGeneres, is your friend sick?" the driver asked with worried tone while glancing on the rearview. "Are we going to the hospital?"

Ellen wanted so bad to take Portia to the hospital. The girl was in serious pain and she didn't want to take a risk. But then Portia lifted her face from Ellen's shoulder and looked into Ellen's eyes beggingly. 

"I really don't want to go to the hospital. I'll be okay." She whispered softly. And then she cleared her throat before continuing, "This has happened before. I just need to take my pill and I'll be alright. Really."

Ellen stared at Portia hesitantly with furrowed brows.

"I'm already feeling better now," Portia added, still trying to convince Ellen. "If you see me in pain again, you can take me to the hospital. But right now, I only want to go home."

Ellen looked away, taking her time to mull over, then nodded. "Okay," Ellen waved a bit so the driver could see her from the rearview and said, "We're going home."

"Thank you," Portia whispered again.

Ellen looked down to her. "We're not going to the hospital, but you're staying at my place tonight."

Portia's eyes widened.

"Come on. There's zero possibility of me leaving you alone in your apartment like this," Ellen said firmly, not wanting to argue on this. "We can stop by to your apartment first if there are other pills you need to drink tonight."

Portia closed her eyes for a second and licked her dried up lips. One of her hand lifted up to her temple, and then she took a deep breath before slightly frowned. She decided that she was still too helpless to protest, so she finally mumbled, "No need. I stock some of my pills in your apartment."