Tu Es Mon Soleil - Chapter 34

"Attention, all dancers. 10 minutes to final rehearsal performance. Take positions."

Portia swallowed her pills and looked at the speaker that was hanging on the ceiling at the corner of her personal dressing room. She closed her eyes for a moment, did her breathing ritual, then opened her eyes back and observing her reflection on the mirror. She knew her face was severely pale underneath the thick make-ups she had put on, but what mattered was for everybody else not to find out.

Just as she was standing from her chair, the door blasted open and Aaron was standing there. "Hey, ready?" he asked and smiled widely.

Portia turned around and forced a smile back towards Aaron. "Yeah," she replied. "Let's go."

When they were walking side by side in the corridor filled with dancers and the stage crews preparing for the performance, Aaron looked down to Portia and asked, "You're very quiet today. Is everything alright?"

No. "Yes," Portia answered and forced yet another stiff smile,hoping it was convincing enough. "Just nervous, you know."

Aaron laughed. "Yeah, right. Portia, you're never nervous," he said. "You're never nervous because you know that you'll do it perfectly."

Portia smiled weakly. "I can see that there are many press coming, fulfilling Dee's invitation to watch our final rehearsal," Aaron commented. "Looks like they're really interested on seeing the Portia de Rossi who has been said as one of the best contemporary dancers in the US, if not the world."

"Yeah?" Portia mumbled nervously.

Besides some invited guests, including the parents of the dancers, the press were also invited to watch the final rehearsal of the show so they'd be able to write the reviews in the medias that each of them represented for. The reviews would surely determine the overall success of the show. Meaning, Portia had to do her very best for the show to get a nice review. 

"Are your parents coming to watch you today?" Aaron asked again.

"Yes," Portia replied briefly. She invited her parents and Ellen to come and watch the final rehearsal. Of course they would also come on the D-day of the show with the whole big family.

"2 minutes!" another stage crew announced when Portia and Aaron were already on their position on the stage.

Please don't fail me on this, Portia said to herself when she could feel her arms began to feel numb. Grains of sweats had started to appear on her forehead. Her sight was kinda hazy. But she couldn't back down now. The music was started, the curtain was lifted. All she had to do was to straighten her body, forgot about her condition for a while, lifted her chin up, and ran to the center of the stage, towards the thunderous applause of the audience, and started to do what she had been doing for her entire life.

She started to dance. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ellen glanced at Portia's mother who sat next to her. The woman wiped yet another tears from her cheek with the tissue that was already wet due to repeated use on her hand. Portia's father, who was sitting next to his wife, held his wife's hand tightly while his eyes were glued on his daughter that was dancing on the stage. A shine of pride was shining from his eyes, creating a lump on Ellen's throat.

Portia's mother wasn't the only one who shed tears in the theatre. Ellen could see some other audiences were also pressing a piece of tissue and handkerchief to the tip of their eyes or their cheeks. All of the audience were completely hypnotized at the very exact moment. They all were unable to look away from the one dancer who devoted her whole body and soul on that stage.

Ellen fixed her eyes back on Portia's figure that was now being uplifted and spun around by Aaron Rogers. Even though this wasn't her first time seeing Portia dancing, somehow she was still astonished. The way that girl moved was fairly different from any other dancers on the stage. She moved and danced with such grace, class, and talent of a world-class dancer.

Moreover, she wasn't merely dancing. She was telling a story. She was telling a story by the way she moved her body and by the way her expression constantly changed. A real dancer should be able to deliver a story. And the story that Portia was delivering that night had made everybody there trapped inside her magic.

When the final rehearsal finally ended, a deafening applause and cheering were echoing in the theatre. Ellen herself clapped her own hands so hard that they almost went numb. She was 100% certain that the show would get a great review on the media. Ellen and Portia's parents hurriedly go to the jammed up backstage to see Portia. They finally found Portia in front of her dressing room, talking with Dee. Dee looked so happy, it seemed like she could just blow herself up anytime soon.

"Oh, Portia, Portia, Portia, you were absolutely magnificent up there!" Dee exclaimed while giving Portia a big hug. "I'm sure that our show will be extraordinary. I'm super super sure about that."

Portia looked exhausted, but she smiled widely. And when she saw her parents came to see her, she quickly released herself from Dee and hugged her parents one by one. And then she approached Ellen who was standing behind her parents. 

"You did it, de Rossi. And I have to admit that you were magnificent up there. Your mom couldn't stop crying," Ellen muttered and smiled at the girl who was panting before her. 

Without saying anything, Portia tiptoed a bit, embracing Ellen's neck with her arms and hugged her tightly. "Thank you, Ed," she whispered, still sounded out of breath.

Ellen hugged Portia's thin body back. But she quickly frowned when she felt that Portia's whole body was strongly trembling. "De Rossi, are you okay?"

Portia stepped back from the hug, then looking at Ellen and her parents. "Come on, let's go inside," she mumbled quietly. "I need to sit down."

"Honey, what's the matter?" Portia's dad asked once he realized that her daughter didn't seem well. She held Portia's face gently and stared at her with concern.

But Portia didn't get the chance to answer, because right at that moment, her head fell back and she would've surely hit the ground, hadn't her father immediately caught her body. 

Tu Es Mon Soleil - Chapter 33

Portia put down her small tube of pills on the kitchen counter with trembling hand and sighed in annoyance. Her head was heavy and her chest was aching. After inhaling and exhaling several times, she tried to open the tube one more time. She still couldn't do it. Her hand felt like a jell-o today.

Right at that moment, she heard the front door was unlocked and opened, and Portia lifted her face expectantly. A second later a voice finally emerged, "De Rossi?"

Ellen is home, Portia thought in relieve. She couldn't leave the tall chair in the kitchen because she didn't want to just fall face first on the floor. She wasn't feeling very well at all, that's why she stayed at her place and shouted, "In the kitchen!"

A moment later Ellen walked in. She quickly frowned when she saw Portia's face. "Hey, are you okay?" she automatically touch Portia's forehead to check. 

"Just a bit tired today," Portia admitted. She was sure that her face was no longer pale after Ellen touched her, because her cheeks were getting warm. "But I can't open this," she held up her pills tube. 

"Give it to me," Ellen said. "Time to drink the pills?"

Portia nodded. She witnessed Ellen opening the tube with ease and started to take out other medicines that Portia needed to have from the kitchen cabinets. 

Portia had been living in Ellen's place for the last 2 weeks, and everything had been going great so far. Portia went to the studio for the rehearsal everyday -- driven by Ellen who also had to go to work -- and went back to Ellen's place by noon. If she's feeling good enough, she would stop by the Small Steps before going home to see Jennifer and waited for Ellen to come home in the evening.

Her parents, especially her mother, was relieved and fully supported her decision to live with Ellen, while her father was a bit hesitant about the idea of leaving his daughter to live with somebody else. But her father then concluded that it was best if there's somebody who could look after Portia rather than letting Portia living alone in her apartment. And after her parents visited Ellen's apartment to check things out and to talk with Ellen last week, her father was more convinced about his decision.

"Here. Drink this." Ellen's voice dispersed Portia's thoughts. 

She swallowed all of the pills and drank the water Ellen had prepared for her. "So how was your day?" Portia asked after she gave Ellen the empty glass to put in the dishwasher.

"Busy. But Andy is even busier," Ellen reported and smiled. "Yours?"

Portia shrugged slowly. "I had difficulty on following today's training," she admitted grimly. "My legs cramped several times."

"Tomorrow will be better," Ellen encouraged her. "But, you can tell me everything 'bout it after I shower. You know, perhaps about how Rogers stepped on your foot while you're dancing or how Rogers was unable to follow the rhythm correctly."

Portia laughed loudly. Ellen was always able to make her laugh, even in her worst days like this. "Aaron will never step on my foot, Ed, and you know he's a very good dancer," she replied. "What did he do to you that makes you dislike him so much?"

Ellen raised one of her eyebrows, but didn't answer. "I'll go shower," she said and walked out of the kitchen. But when she realized Portia stayed still on the tall chair, she went back and asked, "De Rossi, what are you doing there? Go to the living room. It's a lot warmer there."

Portia did mean to move to the living room, but she was actually waiting for Ellen to disappear before she tried to stand up and walk.

"What is it? Can you walk?" Ellen asked again when Portia didn't answer.

Portia bit her lip and slowly descended the tall chair. When her feet touched the floor, she could feel that they were strong enough to support her body. Maybe she could walk without any troubles. 

Ellen sighed and said, "You know, de Rossi, if you need a hand, all you need to do is ask."

Portia gasped in shock when Ellen picked her up bridal style. "Ed! I don't need to be carried. I can walk!" she protested.

"Alright, let's just say I'm the one who wants to do this. Okay?" Ellen said while taking some long strides to the living room. She put Portia down on the couch gently, straightened her back and smiled brightly. "Hey, look at that. Your face isn't so pale anymore. I guess I should do that more often, huh?"

Portia glared at Ellen in annoyance, but Ellen laughed it away and stepped into her own bedroom. Portia's condition had been really unstable these days. There were times when she felt really healthy and able to do her daily activities without having any difficulties. But there were times, like today, when she felt all lousy, hard to breathe, and having a severe headache. Portia noticed that lately, she's been having more number of lousy days than healthy days. Meaning, the medication that her doctor gave her didn't work anymore.

Portia sighed heavily and reached for the remote control to turn on the CD player. She lay down on the couch and closed her eyes while the song that would be used for Dee Black's special show played along. She wasn't able to dance because she needed to save her energy for tomorrow's rehearsal, but she could practice with her brain. She could repeat all the taught movements in her mind. So that was what she's doing right now, trying to imagine every movements of the dance.

In the middle of her 'rehearsal' session, she heard the intercom bell rang. Portia's eyes shot opened and she looked to the intercom bell that was hanging on the wall, near the door. The bell rang again. She rolled out of the couch and tried to stand up before attempting to slowly walk towards the door. She pushed the button on the intercom to answer, but when she was just about to open her mouth, she was interrupted by the person on the other side.

"El? What took you so long? It's me. Open the door. I'm freaking freezing out here."

Portia blinked hearing Regina's voice. Without giving a second thought, she pushed another button to open the main door of the building and let Regina in. A minute later, the door bell finally rang and Portia immediately opened the door.

"Hey, Ellen, wha...." Regina stopped talking when she saw Portia. "Portia? Why are you here?"

When she heard Regina's question, she suddenly realized that she had never thought about this possibility at all. The possibility that either Regina or Andy or anybody could come to Ellen's place at any time and questioned her presence there. So her mind was completely blank. Finally she forced a smile and greeted, "Hey, Regina. Come in."

Regina stepped inside, but still seemed to be confused. "Is Ellen home?"

"Yeah, she's in the bathroom," Portia answered and trudged a bit towards the couch. 

"But why are you here? Ellen's hand has healed, right? Is she still forcing you to help her here?" Regina asked and trailed Portia to the living room. "And by the way, what's wrong? You don't look very well. Are you okay? Are you sick? How could Ellen a--"

Portia sat down on the couch and rubbed her temples in annoyance. She pointed her finger towards Regina, asking her to shut up. 

"I'm sorry, but why--"

"De Rossi lives here now." 

Both Portia and Regina turned their head to Ellen who was standing in front of the living room's door while drying her short hair with a towel.

"What the hell?" Regina spilled her confusion blatantly while Portia shot a warning glare at Ellen.

But Ellen only raised her right shoulder and said to Portia, "What? Sooner or later people will find out, de Rossi. We both know it."

Regina frowned deeply. She looked at Portia and Ellen alternately, then finally exclaimed, "One of you, please explain to me what the hell is going on here."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Regina was staring at Portia without even blinking. She had just heard the long explanation from the girl and Ellen, and Regina almost couldn't comprehend the overwhelming new facts. "Tell me that you guys are joking," she finally said, breaking the silence in Ellen's apartment.

Portia looked to Ellen who was sitting next to her on the couch and took a deep breath. "About what, Regina? You expect me to be joking about what? My heart condition? I think it's not something to laugh about."

Regina blinked and looked embarrassed. "You know that's not what I meant, Portia. I'm sorry. I guess I just... I mean, this is news to me. I never thought... I'm just having a bit difficulty on processing all this," she quickly said and stuttered. "But, why didn't you tell me about this?"

"Because there's no reason for me to do so," Portia said and shrugged.

Regina slightly frowned. "But you told Ellen," she said and glanced at Ellen.

This time Ellen decided to speak up, "That's because I accidentally came across her pills and I found her when she relapsed. So she had no choice but to tell me everything."

Regina fell silent for a moment, then she stared back at Portia. "Still, you could've told me," she stubbornly said.

A glimpse of annoyance was shining on Portia's eyes and her body tensed up. "I'm sorry, Regina, but I really don't see any reason on why should I tell you about my condition," she snapped a bit. "If Ellen hadn't witnessed me relapsing, I wouldn't have told her either."

Ellen automatically touched Portia's shoulder with her hand. Portia turned to look at Ellen and Regina could clearly see the tense on Portia's shoulder slowly evaporated to thin air.

"I think I need to rest right now," Portia finally mumbled. "You guys can continue the talk."

Regina observed Portia rising up from the couch and slowly walked towards the guest room that she was occupying. That girl didn't seem to be healthy at all. Regina had never seen her like this. It's all really new to her.

Ellen sighed softly and looked at her friend. "Wait here," she said and went after Portia. 

Being left alone, Regina started to re-think about all of the things that she had heard tonight. Portia was terminally ill. Regina had just found out about that today, while Ellen had discovered that fact long ago. She knew that it's really not the most appropriate time to think of something like this, but she felt like Portia should've trusted her more than she trusted Ellen. However, Regina was the one who knew her first. Regina was the one who got close to her in the first place. Then why was it Ellen who got all of the trusts of that girl?

And earlier when they both were staring at each other... Regina frowned remembering how Portia immediately turned calm and at ease when she looked at Ellen. It was supposed to be her. 

It was supposed to be Regina.

"She's not in her best condition today. Please don't upset her."

Ellen's voice snapped Regina out of her messy thoughts. She looked up and saw her friend went back to sit on the couch.

"And don't take out your jealousy on her," she added, staring at Regina. There was a slight tone of warning in her voice.

Not really appealed on discussing about jealousy to her friend, Regina changed the subject. "If her heart was weakening, why do you let her join Dee's show? Why don't you stop her?"

"My first instinct when I found out about that, was to yell at her face and insist her on calling it off," Ellen admitted. "But I think I can understand her determination."

Regina snorted.

"You're a dancer, too. Try to walk in her shoes," Ellen interjected, ignoring Regina's snort. "If you can't dance anymore, if you can't do the hip-hop anymore and you can't do all the movements that any other dancers can do, how would you feel?"

Regina didn't answer, but she tried to imagine that kind of condition. 

If she couldn't dance anymore, what would she do? She had no idea. Maybe she would get depressed, and then.... Well, she really didn't know. She had never thought about that possibility. 

"If that happened, and you got only one more chance to dance before all your hopes are being turned down, won't you just grab that chance right away?" Ellen continued.

Yes, Regina thought, absolutely. But she didn't verbalize it. Neither of them knew what to say for a moment. Each were busy with their own thoughts. And then Regina asked, "Do you think she's gonna be okay?"

"She is," Ellen answered firmly. "She will be just fine."

Regina lifted her face and stared at her friend with a questioning look. "How could you be so sure, El? How could you be that calm and.... poised? Honestly, my mind is a real mess right now. I feel so helpless, and useless, and I can't stop worrying about her. So, tell me, how could you be that calm? Aren't you worried?" she pushed Ellen.

Ellen frowned and clenched her jaw. She gulped painstakingly and Regina saw Ellen's hand formed a fist on her side. And then she left the couch, walked up to the window and stood there silently. She just stared into nothing. For one whole minute, the apartment was filled with solid silence. And then Ellen sighed and broke the silence. 

"I'm worried," she vaguely said, barely looking at Regina. "I'm scared. I'm scared to death. But I can't show my true feelings in front of her." 

Her friends' voice was hoarse, strained, even stressful, and Regina had never seen her friend like this. Not even once in her life.

"Everytime her condition goes down and she can barely walk, I can feel her frustration and I wish that I could give her every last bit of my strength," Ellen continued, still with her hoarse voice and empty stare. "Everytime she gets that damn attack and she cries, enduring the overwhelming pain, I wish I could replace her and bear all that pain so she doesn't feel any." 

Ellen cleared her throat. "And when she blacked out, I swear to god I could feel my own heart stopped beating and I could feel a great fear, one that I have never felt in my entire existence. I was completely paralyzed. At those moments, I'd start to think about the worst scenario, and then I realized that I'm not ready at all for the worst scenario. And that realization makes the existing fear doubled and doubled each time."

Regina held her breath hearing her friend's confession. They had been really close and they had a strong bond, growing up together since they were babies, but Regina realized that this was the very first time Ellen confides in her truthfully. Maybe the fears and worries that she had been holding, bearing, and burying all this time had started to suffocate her, made it hard for her to breathe, and she desperately needed to take it out and talk to somebody else before she went crazy.

"But I can not show that kind of weakness in front of her. She needs someone who can support her, who can help her out when needed, someone she can count on, someone to assure her that everything's gonna be okay." Ellen looked to Regina and slightly smiled. "So I decided to be that kind of person."

Regina was at loss of words for a moment, she was only able to stare at Ellen in silence when she realized Ellen's truest and deepest feeling. And then she finally exhaled her breath that she had been holding and opened her mouth to ask something that was already obvious, but she needed to say it to confirm the fact. "You... really love her, don't you?"

Ellen blinked. Her eyes were grim and glistening with tears when she whispered the next 4 words that was departed from the bottom of her heart.

"With all my heart."

Tu Es Mon Soleil - Chapter 32

The New Year celebration had passed and a week after that Ellen found herself busied by Andy and the preparation of her upcoming concert. Since Ellen's hand had healed, Andy didn't want to waste any more time and got back to work immediately.

Ellen knew that Portia was already back in New York, but thanks to all the hustle and bustle, she hadn't had any chance to see that girl at all. Ellen only had some free time to call her and asked how she's been doing, and even so, they could only talk for some short amount of time because Ellen needed to go back to work while Portia.... Well, Portia also seemed to be busy.

Actually everytime Ellen asked Portia what she's up to at the moment, Portia only replied with, "Nothing big."

Initially, Ellen didn't really think about it, but now that some time had passed, well, that girl did seem to be busy. Sometimes she even didn't pick up the calls. And some other times, Portia talked hurriedly as if she had to hang up real fast.

Ellen frowned while she played with a pen on her hand, knocking it to the desk of her producer who said that he wanted to discuss about some important things, but they had waited for 15 minutes and the producer still hadn't showed up. Ellen was fully aware that she wouldn't be able to concentrate on her work when the thought of Portia was still haunting her like this. And she was determined to find out what's going on. And that's exactly why she had to see Portia right now.

"Andy, I'm going," Ellen said while rising from the couch and snatching her coat.

"Whoa, El, wait a sec. Where are you going?" Andy asked in surprise. "The meeting will start anytime soon and you're just gonna take off? What excuse should I give to your producer?"

"Andy, I believe in you," Ellen said while putting on her coat and smiled to her manager. "No problem's too big for you. That's your life motto, right? And about the excuse, I believe you will come up with something. I hand over all of our works to you. And now, I have to go see someone and get some things done."

Andy sighed heavily, but then smiled. "This is all about Portia de Rossi, isn't it?" I told you, El, that girl really got you on your knees."

Ellen rolled her eyes but didn't say anything. She marched towards the office door and opened it with one quick pull. Before exiting the room, she looked back to Andy and said, "Thanks, Andy. I owe you."

Andy laughed and shook his hand. "Oh yeah, your debts to me is as tall as the  Empire State Building right now. Don't worry. I'll collect it one day."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That girl wasn't answering Ellen's call. Ellen ended the useless call and drove her car towards the studio that Portia teaches in. Maybe she was busy teaching and couldn't answer the call.

But Portia wasn't in her studio. At least that's what the woman on the front desk told her. So, where's Portia de Rossi right now? Jesus, Ellen wouldn't be so jumpy if only that girl picked up.

Suddenly a blonde girl walked by the front desk and said to the woman, "Agnes, I'm going out for lunch, okay? You want something?"

"No, thanks, Jen," the Agnes woman replied.

Ellen was about to turn away and leave when she heard somebody called her name. "You're Ellen, right?"

Ellen turned back and looked at the blonde girl who just said her name. That girl looked a bit familiar, Ellen thought. 

Ah, right. She's Portia's friend, wasn't she?

"Yes, and you're Jennifer, friend of de Ro-- I mean, Portia," Ellen replied.

The blonde girl smiled. "I'm glad you still remember me. You're looking for Portia here?"

"Yeah, but she doesn't seem to be here. Do you know where she is?" Ellen asked.

Jennifer raised her eyebrows in confusion. "Oh, hasn't she told you? She stopped teaching here for a while because she accepted the offer of performing in Dee Black Dance Company's show. So I guess you should be able to find her in their studio."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dee clapped her hands twice and shouted, "Very good, kids. That's a wrap for now, we'll continue tomorrow."

Portia wiped her temple with the back of her hand and tried to manage her breathing. "Portia, honey, you are magnificent!" Dee complimented while patting Portia's shoulder when she walked past her. Portia thanked her with a low voice because she was still struggling on managing the air circulation on her body. Then she slumped herself down on the floor, pulled out a bottle of water from her bag and drank.

She had been spending her mornings and days rehearsing in Dee Black Dance Company's studio for the last week. Yes, she accepted Dee's offer to perform on a special show that Dee had planned. She knew that her weak body condition would be a barrier, but she still wanted to dance. For god's sake, she was a dancer. She had to dance. And she also wanted very badly to dance on a Broadway stage, at least once in her life.

She had thought about this decision thoroughly, weighing the pros and cons, and even breaking it down with her doctor and her parents-- oh, of course they didn't jump up and down in excitement about this decision, but they understood Portia's wish and eventually gave up in reluctant. So Portia did accept Dee's offer.

Problem was, up until now she hadn't told Ellen about this at all. Portia had no idea why she was so nervous only by imagining about Ellen's reaction to this news. The ideas of telling Ellen was even more dreadful than telling her parents. But Portia knew that she had to tell Ellen anytime soon.

Somebody sat down next to her and snapped Portia out of her thoughts. She lifted her face and saw Aaron who was smiling at her. "Tired?" he asked.

Portia nodded. "Aren't you? You have to go on another rehearsal for other show after this, right?"

"You know I'm used to tough training," he replied lightly. "You're the one who's used to being lazy, Portia. That's why a tiny bit of rehearsal like this had made you out of breath and pale like this."

Portia only replied with a smile.

"But you haven't lost your touch a bit," Aaron added. "You still are a great dancer. And I'm happy to have the chance of dancing with you again."

"Ditto," Portia shortly replied and put her bottle back in her bag.

Aaron jumped up with one smooth motion and offered his hand to Portia. Portia smiled brightly, clung her bag to her shoulder and reached for Aaron's hand, letting him pull her up smoothly.

"I still don't understand your decision on resigning from the company, but that's alright. I guess you'll tell me one day when you're ready to do so," Aaron said and tightened her grip on Portia's hand while staring at her eyes deeply. And then he smiled a little bit. "But for now, let's show the world how good we are on the stage."

Portia laughed. Aaron's words had shot yet another fire of hope in her heart. She snaked her hands around Aaron's torso and hugged him for a while. "Thank you so much, Aaron," she muttered. "See you tomorrow."

Portia turned away and froze in her place when she saw who was standing on the threshold of the studio door. 

Ellen DeGeneres.

And that woman didn't smile at all when she stared sharply at Portia with furrowed brows.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Seeing Portia hugging that Aaron whoever-he-was made Ellen's blood boiling inside her body and she was overwhelmed by the urge to hurt that guy physically. But when that girl turned around and was blatantly shocked to see Ellen standing there, Ellen caught a glimpse of guilt in Portia's eyes and that had made her feel a little bit better. Just a little bit.

Portia bit her lip and walked up to the door, approaching Ellen. She tried to offer Ellen a smile, maybe in the hope that it could ease Ellen's anger. "Hey," she greeted quietly, and then cleared her throat. "What are you doing here?"

Ellen stared down at the girl who was standing very nervously before her with squinted eyes. "Oh, how funny," she mumbled flatly. "I was about to ask you the same thing."

Portia opened her mouth. "I'm...."

"We'll talk about this while having lunch," Ellen interjected coldly, then grasped Portia's elbow and dragged her away.

40 minutes later they were already sitting in front of each other in a small restaurant near Ellen's apartment. Ellen was still angry, but her anger had eased down for the last 40 minutes. Now all she wanted was an explanation. So after the waiter wrote down their orders and left the table, Ellen folded her arms and said, "So, you're joining Dee's show."

Portia inhaled deeply and licked her lips. "I am," she answered quietly. Her blue eyes looked up to Ellen hesitantly. "I really want to do it."

"Didn't the doctor tell you to stop dancing due to your heart condition?"

"Yes, but since it's only a one-time show, and because i'm not their official dancer, I don't need to do the training as hard as everybody else does, night and day," Portia hurriedly explained. "I've told Dee that I'm only able to rehearse from morning to noon. Of course I didn't tell her the real reason, but she agreed. Other dancers are obliged to train like crazy for the show and performing at night. I've been joining the rehearsal for the last one week and there hasn't been any complications so far."

"NO COMPLI--" 

"I've given deep thoughts about this, Ed," Portia cut in before Ellen could yell at her face. "And I've discussed this with my parents and Dr. Schultz. I've promised them that if the rehearsals are proven to be too much for me, I'd stop. And I promise you the same thing right now. I'm not gonna push myself on this. Trust me. I do want to be healthy."

Ellen opened her mouth to say something, but Portia cut her off again. "But, I also want to dance," she said softly. "Back then, I resigned myself from the company before I could prove myself on stage to the world. My dream is the same with any other dancers' dreams. I want to dance on a big show. I want to dance for a Broadway show, on the stage, under the spotlight."

Portia stopped for a moment to breathe. Her eyes were glistening and she squeezed both of her hands on the table. Seeing Portia in this state made Ellen's chest ached. 

After she gulped, Portia continued, "I want to dance as long as I'm still able to do it, before I'm incapable to do it. I think this really is my last chance, Ed, please don't interrupt me. You know full-well that I'm in need of a new heart. Dr. Schultz had told me that. Now my heart's condition is going down very quickly. You know that, too. So I really hope you understand my decision."

"You've told your doctor and your parents. Why haven't you told me yet? Why do you seem to be hiding this from me?"

Portia seemed a bit bashful when she shrugged. "I don't know," she frankly answered. "I guess I just don't want you to be worried. But I was planning on telling you today, I swear."

"When's the show?"

"3 weeks from now."

Ellen stayed silent. She was busy with her thoughts while observing the pale and nervous Portia in front of her. The girl just said that she didn't want to make Ellen worry about her, but Ellen did worry about her. Almost everyday, if not every second. Why did this girl make her feel that way? Ellen knew that she wouldn't be able to live in peace if she couldn't make sure that Portia's okay with her very own eyes. And besides, Ellen once promised Portia's mom that she would look after Portia. So......... Very well, this was what she's going to do. She pulled out a piece of blue paper from her jacket's pocket, put it on the table, and shoved it towards Portia.

Portia looked down to a piece of paper in front of her confusedly, but once she recognized the paper, her eyes widened in shock and her body tensed up. She stared at the paper and Ellen back and forth.

"In case you forgot, it's a Wishing Voucher to Portia de Rossi that you gave me as a Christmas present," Ellen said calmly. "I decided to propose my first wish right now."

"B-but," Portia stuttered. And then she blinked and stared at Ellen with frowned eyebrows. "Are you going to ask me to sign out of the show? Are you going to ask me to cancel my decision? Are you going to ask me to stop dancing?" she asked accusingly. 

Ellen was about to answer but had to shut her mouth again when the waiter came back with their orders. After the waiter left, Ellen leaned over and said, "I think a hundred of that blue papers won't be able make you quit the show. No, that's not what I'm asking you to do."

Portia's body loosen up immediately. She blinked again and looked at Ellen in suspicion. "So, what's your wish?"

"Starting from today, you're going to live with me, in my apartment."

Portia's eyes widened in shock. "Excuse me?"

Ellen hurriedly explained. "De Rossi, your mother once told me that she and your father aren't really fond of the idea of you living alone in your apartment. They'll feel more peaceful and settled if you live with them in Huntington. I deeply understand their concerns and I'm sure you do, too. They worry about your condition and they worry about what could happen at anytime."

Portia nodded a bit, waiting for Ellen to continue. She was still too bewildered to say anything.

"But I also know that it will be highly unpractical if you should commute back and forth from Huntington to New York everyday, especially now that you have to rehearse for Dee's show," Ellen continued. "And I think it's also highly improbable for you to live with Jennifer or any of your friends without explaining your health condition. But, you can live with me. I know everything about your condition. And you've stayed at my place several times. Moreover, your parents will be a bit less worried if they know that there's somebody by your side."

Portia looked over to Ellen hesitantly. "But,..."

"I'm not asking you to move all of your things to my apartment, de Rossi. You still can have your own current apartment, so all you need to bring is some essential things you need daily," Ellen added.

"But why are you doing this?" Portia asked and stared at Ellen's eyes. "Why do you want to go out of your way to help me?"

Ellen sighed heavily. "You know why," she said. "Besides, I have to keep my words to your parents."

Portia's face was slightly blushing while she bit her lip and unintentionally stirred the mushroom soup in front of her. "You know that this wish is reasonable, de Rossi. And you promised to grant me any reasonable wish," Ellen said while pointing at the blue paper.

"You know what?" Portia mumbled and lifted her face, a hint of smile was on her lips. "You should've used this voucher to ask me to do something for you, not for me."

"Oh, don't get it wrong, de Rossi. I propose this wish for the advantage of myself and myself only. For the peacefulness of my mind and soul," Ellen denied.

"Peacefulness of your mind and soul?" Portia repeated with raised eyebrows. Ellen nodded. "And so that I can work with full concentration."

Portia frowned in confusion.

"You wanna know another plus point if you live with me? I get to drink your coffee every morning," Ellen said smiled broadly. "How about that? Are those reasons reasonable enough for you to grant my wish?"

"I guess I don't really have a choice, do I?" Portia asked back.

Ellen laughed and shook her head. "Nope."

Portia stared at her blue voucher on the table. And then she took it and put it inside her jean's pocket. "Very well, Ellen DeGeneres. I grant you your wish."

And Ellen was sure that she had never felt as relieved as she was right now. 

Tu Es Mon Soleil - Chapter 31

December 24. 

All members of her big family were in Eden Prairie. Her grandparent's house had been decorated majesticly to welcome the Christmas day. Chatters, jokes, and laughters could be heard in every corner of the house. The fireplace at the living room also participated in warming the cold day. At this moment, the women were busy in the kitchen, the men were chatting in the living room and some were repairing some old things they found in the garage, Portia's cousins were having a snow war in the front yard.

Porita herself was standing against her reflection in front of the closette mirror and trying to hide the black circle under her eyes with some make ups. It didn't help much, but it wasn't that bad either. Of course her entire family was aware of her condition, and Portia felt that the very last thing she needed to do was to make them worry about her even more. Especially in the supposed to be joyful Christmas. 

Actually, the test result that Dr. Schultz gave Portia before she took off to Eden Prairie wasn't really good. Dr. Schultz had started to change the type and adding up the dosage of Portia's pills, in the hope that it'd be more helpful. And that was really not indicating something possitive.

Suddenly Portia heard her cousins' voices calling her from the front yard. She walked to the window in her bedroom that she occupied with 2 of her cousins on the second floor of the house, opened it and peeked her head outside.

5 of her cousins, 2 girls and 3 boys were still busy with the snow in the front yard. Her smallest cousin trying to build a snowman without any promising result.

"Portia, what are you doing up there? We need your help to build a snowman," one of her cousins yelled and laughed.

"I'll be down there in a minute," Portia yelled back. She quickly shut the window and rubbed both of her hands, trying to get rid of the cold. She was about to exit her room when her phone beeped, indicating a new message. A smile spread on her face when she recognized who sent the text. Ellen.

What's up?

Portia quickly replied. Bout to build a snowman w my cousins. You?

Just arrived at my grandparents' for the dinner. Have you received my present?

Portia frowned. What present?

Then you haven't. They promised me that you'll receive it today.

They who?

Ppl from the delivery service.

You're sending me a present?

Yes. Christmas present, remember? I sent it to your grandparents' house.

Ah, so that's why you asked for the address.

Yep. Call me when you got it, k?

Before Portia could reply to the last text, she heard a commotion downstairs and her name being called repeatedly. She hurriedly went ouside and descended the stairs. "What? What is it?" she asked to the people that were swarming the front door.

"Portia, you got a delivery. Take a look, it's so sweet!" one of her girl cousins squealed and dragged Portia.

A second later Portia was facing the biggest, cutest, and whitest teddy bear she had ever seen in her life. The teddy bear was still wrapped in a transparant plastic and was still being embraced by the delivery man who seemed to be having a difficulty in doing his job this time.

"Portia de Rossi?" the man called out while trying to peek his head out from behind the back of the gigantic teddy bear.

"Yes," Portia finally answered when she finally gained her composure and found her voice back. Two of Portia's cousins took the teddy bear from the man so he could hand the form for Portia to sign. At the moment, almost all of her family members were already standing in the front door to see the cause of the fuss. Everybody was talking at the same time.

"Oh my god, look at that! Who is it for? Who sent it?"

"That's for Portia."

"I've literally never seen a teddy bear that big!"

"From your boyfriend, Portia?"

"Portia doesn't have a boyfriend!"

"Oh, right. Sorry. Is that from your girlfriend?"

"My boyfriend hasn't even sent me anything."

"Can I borrow the teddy bear only for tonight, P? Can I?"

"Oh, you're making me jealous, Portia!"

"Why do girls like dolls?"

"Mom, I want one like that!"

Portia was a bit light headed from the flood of words around her. She handed back the signed form to the man. After saying Merry Christmas to all of them, the man got back on his pickup truck and took off. 

"Come on, open the wrapper, P!" her cousins persuaded her.

Portia laughed staring at the teddy bear which was bigger and even taller than herself before finally unwrapping it. The fur of the white hair of the teddy bear was very delicate against her hand. 

"Portia, there's a card," her cousin handed her a small card that's hanging on the ribbon on the teddy bear's neck.

Hug this sweet teddy bear whenever you happen to miss me. 

Merry Christmas.

                                                        - Ed

Portia really couldn't handle her smile. She was smiling ear to ear.

"It's from Ellen, isn't it?"

Portia jolted and lifted her face to see her mom who was already standing beside her. She didn't answer, only smiling, sure that her mom did understand.

"I knew she's a thoughtful woman," her mother said and smiled meaningfully. "Don't forget to call her and say thank you, honey."

Portia knew that her mom had grown to be really fond of Ellen from the moment she talked to her on the phone. Ellen told Portia that she answered Portia's phone the other night so that Portia's mom wouldn't be worried about her condition and she explained to Portia's mom that her daughter was fine. But Ellen didn't tell Portia the one other thing she told to Portia's mom. Her mom was the one to spill it the day after, when they were on their way to meet Dr. Schultz.

"You know what she said to me that made me sure that she likes you?" her mom had asked her. Portia sighed exaggeratingly, but couldn't slow down the rapid beating of her heart. "What?"

"She said that I won't need to worry anymore because she'll look after you."

Portia re-read the handwriting on the card that she clutched on her hand and smiled widely, recalling what her mom said the other day.

"Go on, call her now, sweetie," her mom's voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

Portia looked to the teddy bear that was still being swarmed and poked by all of her family.

"Don't worry," her mom said. "I'll make sure they'll get it back to you."

After hugging her mom and said thank you, Portia jogged up the stairs and got back to her room, dialing Ellen's number. The woman picked up right on the second tone.

"You've received it?" she asked directly.

"Yes," Portia bit her lip, trying without any result to stop grinning like an idiot. "You impressed all of my family members with that gigantic teddy bear, Ed. I have to say that my mom is also very impressed. She was the one who told me to call you and say thank you. So, thank you."

"No problem," Ellen replied lightly. "And the present for me?"

"Your present is in your apartment," Portia said. "Call me when you're home. I'll let you know where you can find it."

Still with the wide smile, Portia hung up and threw herself to the bed. She hugged her pillow and thinking about the present she had chosen to give to Ellen. She really couldn't figure out what to buy for her, because Ellen seemed to have everything already. She didn't want to buy her any ordinary presents like she did for her other friends. She felt like she had to give something special to Ellen. And at last, a pretty good idea had popped up in her head and now she really hoped that it was the right gift. I hope she doesn't think it's too childish, Portia prayed in her heart. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ellen chuckled and hung up. The girl said that the present was already in her apartment?

"From Portia?"

Ellen lifted her face and looked to Regina who was standing on the threshold of the big living room. Regina stepped in and sat on the armchair next to the couch Ellen was sitting on.

"Have you seen my mom?" Ellen asked, ignoring Regina's question.

"Betty is in the kitchen with granny. Vance is playing chess with gramps."

Ellen nid-nodded her head and stared at the fireplace next to Regina.

"Ellen, do you like Portia?" Regina asked out of the blue, breaking the silence. Her voice sounded deep and serious.

Ellen was surprised to hear that question, but maintaining her feature to stay flat and calm. "What do you mean?"

"I saw you both walking to a store, holding hands," Regina replied without looking at Ellen. "That was the moment when I realized what I should've realized long ago. I've no idea why I haven't thought about this earlier. But, I guess I was just in a denial state of accepting it."

Acknowledging that Regina didn't see Portia blacking out in the store, Ellen didn't give out any comments and letting her friends to continue whatever she's saying.

"You like Portia, don't you, El?" Regina repeated her question. This time she looked up to see Ellen, expecting an answer.

Ellen took a deep breath hesitantly, then nodded, "Yes."

Regina looked a bit surprised to hear her confession, but she quickly gained her composure back and nodded. "I thought so," she mumbled. "Have you told her?"

"No." Ellen said. Well, she technically haven't told Portia.

Regina nodded once more and smiled bitterly. "I never thought that I'll be competing with you, of all people, for a woman."

Ellen raised her eyebrows.

"I just want to let you know that I liked Portia so much, too," Regina stated.

"I know," Ellen responded.

"And I still like her," Regina corrected and tilted her head to one side. "And even though Portia had told me that she only considers me as a friend, I'm still hoping that one day, she might change her mind. Because all this time, I don't think I've ever seen her indicating anything that she likes someone in particular."

"Mm," Ellen only mumbled without any intention.

"I just want you to know," Regina said and raised her shoulders, "that as long as Portia haven't decided, I'll keep trying to get her heart, even though you like her, too."

Ellen stared at her friend and smiled. "Fair enough."

Regina returned the smile. And then she patted the armchair and said, "Alright, what about joining the mighty chess game with your brother and your gramps?"

"Good idea," Ellen said and stood up.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You just got home?" Portia asked on the other side. "Isn't it like 1 am there in New York?"

Ellen switched her phone from her left ear to her right and took off her coat. She walked up to the living room and turned on the lamp. The Christmas tree at the corner of the room, which was decorated by Portia, welcomed her home. "Yeah, I stopped by to my colleague's place first," she explained. "What about you? It's almost midnight in Minnesota. Is it possible that you're waiting for my call?"

"No," Portia denied quickly. Too quick, Ellen thought and smiled. "Everybody is still up here. They're chatting downstairs. By the way, how was the dinner? Nice?"

"Uneventful," Ellen replied and leaned her back on the couch. "Yours?"

"Very eventful," Portia laughed. "Reuniting with your big family is so much fun, you know."

Ellen smiled hearing Portia's happy voice. "You like big family?"

"Well, duh. Don't you?"

"I don't have one, so I don't really know. But I'm glad to hear you're having fun there," Ellen replied. "By the way, where exactly are you hiding my present?"

Portia sounded hesitant when she said, "Actually I'm not sure what to give you. So this is the only thing I came up with. Please don't laugh at me."

"What are you talking about, de Rossi? I'm not gonna laugh at you," Ellen assured Portia.

Moment of silence, then, "Alright. Look for a book titled The Piano: An Encyclopedia among your books on the shelf. I'm sure you know where it is."

Ellen rose from the couch and approached her bookshelf. She took the book that Portia mentioned and said, "I've got it. And then?"

"Your present is on the first page."

Ellen clamped her phone inbetween her ear and her shoulder while opening the first page of the book. Her eyebrows raised up in surprise when she found 3 pieces of blue paper flew out from the book to the floor. 

"What's this?" she asked while squating and picking it up, reading the handwriting on the paper. "Wishing Voucher to Portia de Rossi?"

"You haven't read the terms at the bottom of the paper. In the parentheses."

"Reasonable and legal," Ellen cited.

"What does it mean?"

"It means that you can propose 3 wishes to me -- anything, as long as it's something reasonable and doesn't violate the law -- and I will grant it."

Ellen laughed, "Only three wishes?"

"Yes."

"So if I ask you to marry me next week, you'll say yes?"

"Something reasonable, Ed."

"Who says that marrying me is something unreasonable?"

"Will you be happy if I marry you because I'm forced to do so?"

"God, of course not."

"See? I know that you'll be reasonable. I trust you."

Ellen laughed again. "Okay, then. I'll think about what I'm gonna ask you very, very carefully, and I'll give you a very reasonable reason that you won't be able to deny it. In fact, I think I already have something in mind."

"Really? What's that?"

"I'll tell you when you're back here."

"Okay."

Ellen glanced at her watch and softly said, "It's past midnight already in Minnesota, de Rossi. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Ed."