Begin Again: Chapter 19

“I’m not sure that my decision to bring you here is a good one,” Ellen says, pulling over not too far from Sarah Paulson’s bar in Midtown East.

Portia stares at her inside the dim-lighted car. “What do you mean?”

“I have to give a good impression to your brothers, but did you see their face when you told them that instead of going home with them you’re going out with me instead? Andrew gave me a very sharp stare I almost went blind,” Ellen explains. “Your brothers kinda scare me.” 

Portia snorts. “Gosh, they haven’t even done anything to you. In fact, they’ve been really kind to you tonight. Imagine if you have a little sister, and you heard that your beloved little sis is going to be fixed up with someone. Would you—as an older sibling who wants all the best things for your little sister— just sit around or would you…. I don’t know, do something about it?”

Ellen considers it for a moment. “I think I’m going to punch that person first before I speak to them.” 

“Exactly.” 

Ellen stares back at Portia and asks, “So what can I do to make your brothers like me?”

Portia raises her eyebrows. “Why are my brothers’ opinions so important to you?” 

“Because I want them to help me steal your heart,” Ellen says in a matter-of-fact manner. 

Portia makes a disgusted face jokingly. 

“Anyway, what do they think of Francesca?” Ellen asks. “Did Francesca receive the same terrifying stare from them?” 

Portia looks away towards the street. “Are we gonna go to the bar?” she asks quickly. She glances over at Ellen and opens her door. “Come on, before the show ends.” 

Ellen stares at Portia for a second, sighs, then finally kills the engine. 

“Hey, Ellen!” 

Ellen has just stepped onto the pavement with Portia when someone yells her name. She turns and sees Sarah waving at her from the entrance of the bar. She waves back and walks towards her friend. 

“I thought you’re never gonna show up,” Sarah says cheerfully, pulling Ellen into a hug. “You came with Audrey?” 

“Nope,” Ellen says. She moves her chin towards Portia’s direction and says, “I came with my fiancée.” 

“Hello, I’m Portia and I’m not her fiancée,” Portia smiles, shaking hands with Sarah. 

“Oh, hi.” Sarah returns Portia’s smile in a confused manner, “Sarah Paulson. Nice to meet you.” 

“Portia's the one who loves musical shows,” Ellen says to her friend. 

“Oh.” Sarah stares at Ellen with a frown. 

Ellen knows that Sarah wants to ask her a million questions right now, and she appreciates her friend’s effort in holding herself back in front of Portia. Finally, Sarah flashes her bright smile at them and says, “Okay. Come on in, guys. Enjoy the show.”

******************

Portia recognizes both of the Broadway actors that are singing at Sarah’s bar that night since she gasps quietly once they see them on stage. “Lock Willow. Daddy-Long-Legs,” she mumbles. 

“What?” Ellen doesn’t understand. 

“The song they’re both singing,” she explains to Ellen with her eyes still locked on both performers. “And those two actors are River Cooper and Charlie G.” 

Ellen has never heard those names before and she obviously has never heard the song before as well. “Famous?” she asks.

Portia tilts her head a little, thinking. “I can’t say that they’re that famous, I guess. They often appear on quite lots of shows, but not so much on the big ones. All the same, they’ve got a wonderful voice.” 

Ellen drags a chair for Portia and helps the girl with her coat while Portia’s eyes still aren’t moving away from the stage. 

“What do you want to drink?” Ellen whispers to Portia.

Portia doesn’t respond. 

“Portia?” 

Portia is still as silent and still as a rock. 

Ellen smirks to herself. Fine, then…

“Honey,” she calls her softly. 

No reaction. 

“Sweetheart.” 

Still no reaction.

“Baby.”

Again, no reaction. 

“Chouchou.” 

“What?” This time Portia turns to her with a frown, but a simple amused smile appears on her lips. 

So she did hear Ellen after all. “You called me what?” 

Ellen smiles. “Perfect. From now on, your name is chouchou. You just chose it yourself,” she says victoriously. 

“What on earth does that weird word mean anyway?” 

“Chou means cabbage in French.” 

“Cabbage?” Portia raises her eyebrows. “You called me cabbage?” 

“That’s a term of endearment in French. Now, what do you want to drink?” 

Portia glances at the bar and mumbles, “Blue Moon.” After that, her attention is locked on the show in front of her again. 

Ellen walks towards the bar where Sarah has been waiting for her. 

“Blue Moon and beer, please,” she orders to the bartender. “And mineral water.” 

“So,” Sarah leans over to the bar’s table, “the reason you were frantically looking for those expensive tickets was that girl over there?” 

Ellen looks at the table where Portia’s sitting and nods her head. “Yep.” 

“You said she’s your fiancée.”

“My mom wants me to marry her.” 

Sarah whistles briefly. “God, what year is this again?” 

Ellen smiles but waves it away. 

Sarah observes Portia who’s sitting across the room, then back at Ellen. “I can sit with you guys, right?”

Ellen grabs the drinks that the bartender has just put on the table. “As long as you watch your mouth and don’t say random shit in front of her,” she says. 

Sarah pretends to be offended. “When have I ever say random shit in front of anybody?” 

They got to the table right when the song ends and everybody’s clapping their hands. One of the actors on the stage announces that they’re going to have a little break before resuming the show. 

“Thanks,” Portia says when Ellen puts down the girl’s cocktail in front of her. Then she sees Sarah. “Oh, hi again. I forgot to thank you for letting Ellen brought me here.” 

Ellen shoots a warning glare at Sarah when she sees that special charming smile of hers appears. “No problem at all,” Sarah says. “Ellen’s friends are my friends too. And since you’re her fiancée, I’ll make sure that you’ll always be treated like a VIP here.” 

Portia laughs. “Wow, this is actually the very first time that I've got a benefit of being Ellen DeGeneres’ ‘fiancée’.” 

“Being Sarah Paulson’s fiancée will serve you with even more unimaginable benefits,” Sarah adds smoothly. 

“I advise you to throw those thoughts away,” Ellen says dryly. She knows very well that Sarah has a way with words and she’s always entertained to see this friend of hers flirts around women. But, not this time. No. Portia de Rossi is an exception.

Sarah ignores Ellen. “So, what do you think, Portia?” she asks. “Are you going to at least consider this option?”

“Paulson, I swear to god you’re going to end up on your own bar’s floor if you don’t stop it right now,” Ellen threatens her. 

“Oh, I doubt it, DeGeneres,” Sarah replies lightly, “‘cause as far as I remember, you fight like a newborn baby.” 

“You remember wrong. Need proof?” 

“Girls,” Portia interrupts while holding both hands in the air to stop Sarah from saying anything more. She looks at both of the women alternately, shaking her head. “I’m gonna go ask those actors for their autographs and perhaps get some selfies while you both can go on with your ridiculous dispute. Excuse me.” 

Ellen watches as Portia walks towards the two actors who are hanging out near the little stage. 

“So it’s real.” 

Ellen turns to her friend. “What?” 

Sarah indicates towards Portia with her chin. “I can see that you genuinely like her,” she says. “So what are you gonna do? With Audrey, I mean.” 

“What about Audrey?” Ellen asks confusedly. 

Sarah looks at her in surprise. “Aren’t you guys dating? Has she found out about your mom’s plan?” 

Ellen frowns. “Audrey and I are just friends. We’re not dating.” 

“Oh?” 

“What makes you think we are?” 

Sarah sips her drink. “You always have her by your side on most social events. You’re practically always together in front of public’s eyes. And when I tried to hit on her couple months ago, she told me she’s with you.” 

Ellen giggles. “I think she was just making up reasons to avoid you, Sarah. Basically, she’s not into you.” 

Sarah shakes her head. “I called her two days ago to invite her to the New Year’s Eve party that I’ll be having here. I thought she might’ve been lonely since you’re gonna be in Chicago—“

“Lonely? Audrey? Not possible.” 

“—but she said she’s going to Chicago with you.” 

Ellen frowns. And just when she’s about to deny it, Portia cuts her off.

“Who’s going to Chicago with you?” 

Ellen and Sarah simultaneously look up to Portia who just got back to the table. 

“No one,” Ellen says. 

“Audrey,” Sarah says at the same time. 

Portia raises her eyebrows while staring at Ellen. “Oh?” she mumbles. 

“We’re not going together, though,” Ellen quickly adds. “It’s just a coincidence. She’s going there for work reasons.” 

Portia sits down and sips her drink. “Of course,” she mutters and smiles at Ellen. 

“Portia…”

“Oh, look. The show’s starting again,” Portia cuts her off and claps her hands along with the other guests.  

And for the rest of the show, Portia doesn’t say anything more to Ellen. 

****************

“Are you mad at me?” 

Portia looks out the window for a moment before answering curtly, “No.” 

They’re already on their way back home from Sarah’s bar and it seems like Portia’s not in the mood to talk. If she can be honest, she suddenly lost interest in any conversation once she found out that Audrey is gonna be in Chicago as well. For work reasons? Pfft! She’s damn sure that girl has no work to do in Chicago. She’s just looking for reasons to be around Ellen. And Ellen doesn’t mind! And Ellen lets Audrey do it… ugh! No. Portia’s not happy. She knows that she doesn’t actually have the right to be upset about it, but she just can’t help it.

“Jealous?” Ellen asks again teasingly.

Portia scowls at her. “No.” 

Ellen glances at her and smiles. How dare she! 

“You’re clenching your hands, chouchou.” 

Portia bites her lip angrily and tries to let go. Ellen DeGeneres and that ridiculous nickname of hers should just go to hell. 

Ellen sighs and says, “I told you that we’re not going together. I didn’t even know that she’s gonna be there too before she called me this afternoon and told me.” 

“And you believe that she’s there for work reasons?” Portia blurts out. 

Ellen shrugs. “That’s what she told me. Why should I question it?” 

Portia shuts her eyes tightly and takes a deep breath. “You must know that she likes you, right? You’re probably too dumb to realize it, but it is actually super obvious that she likes you very much and she expects to be more than friends with you.” 

“But, I don’t,” Ellen says. “I never once considered her as my girlfriend, I never introduced her as my girlfriend, and I surely never said or did something that would make her think otherwise.” 

“Maybe that’s why!” Portia snaps. “You never said or did anything, which means you never rejected her.” 

Not so long after, Ellen pulls over in front of Portia’s apartment building. Portia unbuckles her seatbelt but stays in her seat. She sighs quietly and turns to face Ellen. “I’m so sorry,” she mumbles with a sincere tone. “I have no right to judge your relationship with Audrey. That’s none of my business.” 

Portia can’t see Ellen’s face under the dim light. And that woman doesn’t say anything either. 

“Anyway, thanks so much for the dinner. And thanks for taking me out,” Portia continues awkwardly. 

“Come on, I’ll walk you to your door,” Ellen says, opening her door. 

Portia quickly follows, though a little confused. They walk along the pavement and climbs the stairs without saying anything. Portia stops before the door and turns back to see Ellen who’s standing 2 stairs behind. “Well, it’s me,” she says. “So….” 

Ellen looks up at her and a little smile appears on her lips. “Portia.” 

“Yes?” 

Ellen steps up another stair slowly and stares into Portia’s eyes. “I’m going to say something to you that I never said to Audrey.” 

Ellen’s voice raises a strange feeling in Portia’s stomach. She clears her throat to cover her nervousness and says, “Okay.” 

“I like you.” 

Portia blinks. For a moment she forgets to breathe. Then she starts to feel her heart beating so hard she’s scared that it’s going to break her ribcage. 

Ellen climbs the remaining one stair left, making her on the same level with Portia now. She stuffs both hands into her coat’s pockets. There’s a glimpse of jitter flashing in her blue eyes, but she stands tall before Portia. “Apart from my mom’s…. plans, I really do like you,” she goes on, “and I really would like the chance to know you better.” 

“Oh?” Is the only thing Portia manages to say. Her heart can’t be tamed and her brain is not functioning well enough to form a coherent sentence. 

“So what about you?” Ellen asks, smiling. “Do you think there’s a tiny chance for you to like me back?” 

“I… I… Uh…” Realizing how close Ellen is to her only makes things worse. What the hell is happening? What’s happening to her? For god’s sake…

Ellen chuckles and grins. “I guess I just succeeded in making you speechless. Okay. I’ll give you time to think and come up with an answer. Now, don’t punch me, okay?” 

Portia’s eyes widen in surprise when Ellen leans over to her, and the next second she feels Ellen’s lips on her right cheek. Portia holds her breath. 

In a blink of an eye, Ellen is standing back straight again with her smile. “Good night.” 

Portia blushes. “Y-yes... Good night,” she mumbles back pathetically. After that, she quickly turns around, pushes the door open and goes inside without ever looking back again. 

Her cheeks are still burning even after she enters her room. She drops her purse nonchalantly to the floor and cups her face with her own hands. Right, her cheeks are very warm. She moves her hand to her chest. And her heart is still racing.

She hasn’t even turned the lights on. Her room looks so dim since the only light comes from the street. Portia walks towards the window and looks outside. Ellen’s car isn’t there anymore. She sighs. 

As if on cue, her phone beeps. Portia turns and bolts to snatch her purse from the floor and pulls out her phone. A text. From Ellen. 

I think that’s about enough time to think. So, what’s your answer, Portia de Rossi? 

Portia smiles and types her reply, To which question? 

After sending the text, she finally moves around to turn on the lights and the heater, then she walks towards her bedroom while humming a song. Her phone goes off again while she’s taking her coat off. 

Is there a chance for you to like me back and want to know me better? 

Portia jumps to her bed. Lying on her stomach, she replies the text, still with a smile on her lips. 

Ask me again once you come back from Chicago.