Begin Again: Chapter 26

“So what’s the good news, Boss?” Kali asks as she, Alison, and Portia are stacking boxes of tartlets. 

“Good news?” Portia mumbles. “What do you mean?” 

Alison bumps Portia’s shoulder with hers. “You’re beaming and you’ve been humming whatever song it is all morning long when just yesterday you looked like a lost person who forgot how to act or how to speak,” she says. “Does this mean Ellen and you have sorted things out?” 

Portia rolls her eyes and is just about to say something when the bell above the door rings, indicating someone just got into the shop. Portia turns around, about to greet the customer, and sees the woman Alison was just talking about instead. As usual, her heart starts to race as she sees Ellen smiling brightly at her. 

Before she knows it, Ellen already strides forward towards her and wraps her in a bone-crushing hug. Oh, god! 

The next second, Ellen pulls away a little but doesn’t let go of the hug, and looks down to Portia. Her smile is as bright as the sun in July. “Hello,” she mumbles. 

“Hi,” Portia says. She bites her lip, holding a stupid grin back. 

“I really like the fact that I get to do that whenever and wherever I want to,” Ellen says. 

“Yeah?” Portia raises her eyebrows. 

“Oh, yeah,” Ellen says smugly. “Anyway, apart from this warm hug, I also stop by to give you this.” 

When Ellen finally steps back, Portia notices that the woman’s holding a bouquet of daisies. An impeccably sweet gesture. “For me?” Portia asks and looks up to Ellen with sparkling eyes. 

“Is that a real question?” Ellen says. 

“Thank you,” Portia mutters, hugging the bouquet in front of her chest. 

“Dinner with me tonight?” 

“Oh. We’re going to have a family dinner at my mom’s place tonight,” Portia says quickly. “She’s just been dismissed from the hospital earlier this morning.” 

Ellen shrugs lightly. “Alright. No problem.” 

“You’re invited, too.” 

Ellen raises her eyebrows. “Me?” 

“Yes. Andrew asked me to invite you. Will you be able to join us?”

Ellen flashes a big smile. “Of course.” 

Portia smiles, too. For god’s sake, why does Ellen make her want to smile all the time? 

Suddenly Ellen steps forward and gives Portia another hug. “Alright. I gotta go to work now,” she steps back, then bends down a little to peck Portia’s lips. This time Portia can’t handle her grin. “Okay,” she whispers back. 

Then Ellen looks past Portia’s shoulders and greets cheerfully, “Hey, Kali. Hey, Alison.” 

Portia’s face rapidly goes red as she remembers that Kali and Alison are there too and must have been watching them. Oh, no! This is totally embarrassing. Portia almost buries her face in the daisies. 

“Hey, Ellen,” Kali and Alison greet back sweetly in unison. 

Ellen averts her eyes back to Portia. “I’ll call you later.” 

“Alright,” Portia mumbles under her breath as her cheeks grow hotter and hotter. 

After throwing one last smile Portia’s way and says goodbye to Kali and Alison, Ellen finally leaves. As soon as the woman steps out of the shop, both of the girls freak out. 

“Ha! I was so right! You guys made up!” 

“Oh. my. god!!! She gave you a bouquet of daisies! I swear to god she is the most romantic woman I’ve ever known. My boyfriend never does that.” 

“Does it mean you guys are still engaged?” 

“Did she give you any explanations about that picture?” 

“How did she apologize to you?” 

“I hope you got her begging on her knees!” 

Portia rolls her eyes, still with a perfect smile, and walks towards the kitchen to look for something that can be a temporary vase. Isn’t it weird how a bouquet of flowers can make someone so happy? Portia thinks to herself while arranging her flowers. And isn’t it weird how a person can make someone smile so much? 

Portia shakes her head slowly and brings the flowers to the front part of the shop where Kali and Alison are helping a few customers that had just stepped in. Portia puts down the vase on the table by the window when she heard one of the customers says, “Portia de Rossi?” 

Portia turns around, sees Kali shakes her head as a response to the question and points at Portia. “That’s Portia.” 

“Hello. I’m Portia,” Portia says amiably, approaching the blonde woman. “Can I help you?”

The woman introduces herself as a colleague of Francesca’s and has come here on the recommendation of Fran. “Next week would be my son’s 5th birthday, so I’m gonna need a whole lot of cakes,” the woman explains in a friendly manner. “Surely I’ve heard about this shop before —everybody says you’ve got the best tartlets in New York— but I never thought that the owner is Fran’s girlfriend!” 

Portia raises her eyebrows in surprise. “Excuse me?”

“Yes, Fran has told me quite a lot about you,” the woman goes on excitedly. “You’re really lucky. Fran is a very nice person, not to mention very bright. You wouldn’t guess how many men—and a woman, I guess— who were brokenhearted when they found out that she already has a girlfriend.”

“But…”

“But right now I really could use some help, Portia,” the woman cuts off and averts her attention to the cakes on display. “What type of cakes do you think would suit a 5-year-old's birthday party?”

For a moment Portia stays silent while watching the friendly woman in front of her. She doesn’t know if she has to explain her relationship with Francesca or just answers the question about the cake. 

“Patrick loves superheroes. Spider-Man, particularly,” she goes on. 

The only chance for denial and explanation has passed. The cakes, then, Portia finally decides. So she smiles and says, “We can make whatever Patrick likes and in any size.” 

*****************

“Your change of mood is truly ridiculous.”

Ellen snorts but doesn’t say anything, busying herself with the new paperwork Andy just brought for her to sign. 

“But I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy before,” Andy continues. “I guess it means that your girl forgave you?”

Ellen keeps her silence, but the smile that appears as soon as she thinks of Portia betrays her.

“Get rid of that smile, DeGeneres. You’re pathetic,” Andy laughs. 

Ellen’s smile only widens as she hands Andy the last signed paper. “You’re just jealous,” she says lightly. 

Andy shakes his head, still laughing. 

The telephone on Ellen’s desk suddenly rings. “Yes?” she says after she pushes the speaker button. 

“Miss Audrey Hill is here for you, M’am,” says the assistant manager on the other end. 

“Tell her to go straight to my office.” 

Andy stares at her with a frown. “You’re still seeing Audrey?” he asks. 

“She asked to see me. She said there’s something she wants to talk about,” Ellen says nonchalantly. 

“Perhaps about that article,” Andy throws his guess. 

Ellen scowls displeasedly when she remembers that thing that was so close to ruining her relationship with Portia yesterday. “Probably,” she mutters. 

A knock on the door. Andy gets up and says, “Alright. I’ll leave you two to it.” Collecting the documents, he walks towards the door and opens it. “Audrey. Please.” 

“Thanks, Andy,” Audrey says and steps in. “Hi, Ellen.” 

Ellen stands up and moves her hand towards the chair in front of her, inviting Audrey to sit down. “Hey. Anything I can help you with?” 

Audrey sits down and crosses her legs. She waits until Andy is out and closes the door behind him before saying, “Have you heard about the circulating article about us?” 

Ellen sits down again, leaning back. “Yes,” she answers. 

Audrey looks surprised. “You do know?” 

“Yes,” Ellen repeats the one-syllable word. 

Audrey smiles. “And you’re not upset about it?” 

Ellen shrugs. “We’ll only have to tell the truth if somebody ever asks.” 

Audrey’s smile widens. “You mean….?”

“That, in fact, we’re not dating.” 

“Oh.” 

“Since you’re the one who got to be interviewed all the time, would you mind being the one who clears this problem?” Ellen goes on without really noticing Audrey’s face or the smile that fades away. 

Audrey stops for a while, then says, “But that one picture would be difficult to explain.” 

Ellen frowns. That damn picture. “You can tell the truth. You were drunk and you weren’t aware of what you were doing.” 

Audrey shakes her head. “No, that would make me look really bad,” she says. “I’m being considered to do a very big ad and that company would never hire a model who’s surrounded by scandals.” 

“So what’s your plan, then?”

Audrey takes a deep breath and straightens her back. “I wouldn’t mind being your girlfriend. I think we can give it a shot. What do you think?” 

Ellen’s eyebrows shot up, she’s a little taken aback by Audrey’s idea. Had Portia never showed up again in her life, Ellen might take this option as a consideration. However, her mom has brought Portia back into her life in some ways, and her heart has always been Portia’s ever since, whether the girl wants it or not. 

Ellen rubs her eyebrows and tries to choose her words carefully. “I’m very flattered,” she starts slowly, “but I can’t.” 

Now it’s Audrey’s turn to raise her eyebrows. “You can’t?” she repeats. 

“I’m sure Portia would not be very happy if I get into a relationship with another woman,” she says while smiling vaguely. “Because I wouldn’t be happy if she ever does.” 

“Portia?” Audrey is clearly stunned. “You mean……?” 

“Yes.” 

“Oh, I thought we were…” Audrey stops midway and blinks several times. But, the next second, her smile reappears on her lips and she says, “Well, this is quite a surprise. That’s okay, though. I understand. But I hope Portia wouldn’t mind if you help me as a friend.” 

“What kind of help would that be?” 

Audrey crosses her arms gracefully. “I really need that ad and this gossip is in my way. At least we can pretend to be dating until I actually get this job.” 

Ellen sighs. “I don’t think I can do it, Audrey.” 

“Only for a while,” Audrey insists. “And it’s only pretending. What’s the problem?” 

“The problem is I probably would be raging mad if Portia pretends to be someone else’s girlfriend,” Ellen says. 

Audrey hasn’t given up. “Look, Ellen. I really really need this job,” she says, “so what about I take care of all this. You don’t have to confirm that gossip, but I hope you don’t deny it either.” 

“You mean, I’d only need to say ‘no comment’ or something like that?” 

“Yes.” 

Ellen considers it for a while, then she sighs, giving in. “Alright, Audrey. No problem. I won’t say anything.” 

She’s no celebrity, so Ellen is pretty sure that the press would have no business in pestering her about something so insignificant. She herself doesn’t have time to think about something so trivial, especially when there are other important things to do. Like asking her sommelier what kind of wine should she bring to Portia’s family dinner later tonight.  

****************

“I notice you’re far more relaxed now.” 

Ellen glances at Portia who’s sitting next to her and winces. “Is it so obvious?” she whispers back. 

They just finished dinner and are now moving to the living room to chat. Michael is in the middle of his story about a hypochondriac patient he handled yesterday. 

Portia sips her red wine slowly. Her eyes are still locked on Michael, but she whispers to Ellen in an amused tone, “I really have no idea what makes you so scared of my brothers. They don’t bite, you know?”

“But they can… I don’t know, forbid me to be with you if they don’t like me?” 

Portia looks at her briefly and smiles. “Well, I guess you’ve already given them a good impression with this Chappelet Signature Cabernet Sauvignon.” 

Ellen smiles back. “You think so? I think I should give my sommelier a raise then.” 

Portia chuckles and focuses back on her brother. Ellen feels the urge to hold Portia’s hand, but she holds herself back. She’s in Portia’s mom’s apartment and she doesn’t want to do something like that just yet. 

She’s really inexperienced in this field. Really. She feels nervous and tensed all the time, doesn’t want to do or say something stupid to Portia’s family. But perhaps, for now, she can breathe for a little while. 

“Anyway, Ellen,” Andrew suddenly says, “since you’re the first… friend that Portia brought home to see us— besides Nic, of course— does this mean that you’re getting into a serious relationship with Portia?” 

Ellen almost chokes on her Cabernet Sauvignon. Welp, the time to breathe hasn’t come yet, as it turned out. 

“Oh, Andrew,” Portia groans. 

“Yes,” Ellen quickly says, answering Andrew’s question. She glances at Portia who’s blinking her eyes, then averts her focus back on Andrew. “Yes, I…. Yes.”

Pathetic. Helplessly pathetic. Can’t she come up with something more clever? Ellen curses herself inwardly. 

Andrew raises his eyebrows. Waiting. 

Ellen takes a deep breath and tries again. “You said that this is the first time Portia actually introduces someone to her family. Well, this is also my very first time coming to see the family of my…… girlfriend’s side. So, yes, I am serious.” 

Andrew smiles. “I see. I hope you also understand that I’m a pretty protective brother…” 

“Extremely protective brother,” Marge chimes in and giggles. 

“…so I tried to look up your name on Google.” 

Ellen has never typed her name on Google, so she has no idea whatsoever what might have come up on that search engine. Her brain is whirring, trying to think of each and every possibility. 

“You’re often seen with this model named Audrey Hill.” This time it’s Michael who speaks up. His voice is not veiled with accusation, he’s simply stating a fact. 

Audrey’s profession as a model gets her to be photographed quite a whole lot on almost every event. And since Ellen often goes with her to attend the events, she’s more often than not is in the same frame with Audrey. Ellen never thought of it as a problem. Until now. “Yes. And most of the rumors written and said about us isn’t true at all,” she explains. “We’re just friends.” 

“Hm.” Andrew sips his wine, then puts the glass on the table. “Maybe you’re used to being talked about as a gossip or some sort, but we’re not. Are you going to make sure that Portia will never be dragged into an unpleasant scandal or rumor?” 

Ellen turns to see Portia, staring into the pair of dark blue eyes that have been buried somewhere in her mind for the last 10 years. “Yes,” she says earnestly. 

Then Portia smiles at her. 

And Ellen realizes for the very time, that perhaps she has been in love with this girl long before her mom brought her back into her life. 

******************

“Not so bad, huh?” Portia asks when they’re already in the car, leaving Margaret’s apartment. “Now you know my whole family likes you.” 

Ellen breathes out. “Your brothers are really intimidating,” she says. She steals a glance at Portia then quickly focuses back on the road. “Are you sure they like me?” 

“They do,” Portia soothes her. “If they don’t, they wouldn’t let you drive me home, you know.” 

“Anyway, Andrew said that I’m the first one that you introduced to your family. What happened with Francesca?” 

Portia grimaces. She was hoping that Ellen would never realize that particular detail. But seems like she has to come clean now. “They didn’t know,” she admits quietly. 

“Hm?” 

Portia exhales and says, “They didn’t know we were in a relationship.” 

“You guys kept it hidden from them?” Ellen sounds dubious. 

Portia is hesitant for a while, then she finally decides to just say it. “That’s what Francesca wanted.” 

“Why?” Ellen still looks confused. 

“Because she’s afraid of my brothers.” 

Silence. Then, “What? Excuse me, but what kind of excuse is that?” 

Portia giggles. Francesca always said that she loved Portia, but she never mustered enough courage to say it to her brothers. Ellen’s totally right, what kind of excuse is that? What kind of love was that? Back then, she never really thought about it, so she didn’t mind. But now she realizes that perhaps Francesca never loved her as much. 

“I once asked her to marry me before she left for South Africa.” Portia blurts out before she can stop herself. 

“What?” 

“But she refused. That was the end of our relationship.” 

Portia waits for Ellen to say something, but the woman next to her stays silent. She turns to see Ellen who’s concentrating on driving. Ellen’s face looks stiff under the dim light of the street lights. Portia’s eyes move to Ellen’s hand who’s gripping the steering wheel tightly. Portia wonders if she has just done a mistake in telling her that. 

Ellen still hasn’t said anything when she pulls over in front of Portia’s apartment. Not knowing what to do, Portia unbuckles her seatbelt and says, “Thanks for driving me home…” 

Finally, Ellen reaches for Portia’s hand. “Portia, wait.” She takes a deep breath and breathes it out slowly. “I’m sorry.” 

Portia sits back again. 

Ellen laughs bitterly. “Quite surprising to find that I can get really jealous as well,” she mumbles. “Not a very nice feeling to have.” 

Portia turns to face Ellen, staring into her eyes. “That relationship is over, Ellen,” she says slowly but surely. “It’s over.” 

Ellen’s blue eyes look back into Portia’s, as if looking for an affirmation. Then she squeezes Portia’s hand in hers and says, “Okay.” 

Portia smiles. “We’re cool, yeah?” 

Ellen smiles back. “Yeah, we’re cool,” she says. “But please don’t ever ask anybody to marry you again, okay?” 

Sensing that Ellen’s good mood is back, Portia snorts. “I don’t want to stay single forever, you know.” 

Ellen shrugs. “I’ll marry you. Have you forgotten that we’re engaged? One less thing to worry about,” she says lightly. 

Portia laughs. “It means you’re gonna have to face my brother under even greater pressure. Are you sure you can do it?” Portia says half-jokingly. 

Ellen stares at her, smiles, and says, “I’m willing to do anything to keep you by my side, with me, as long as you want it too.” 

And Portia can almost physically feel her heart melts into a puddle.