Tu Es Mon Soleil - Chapter 25

Jennifer had just done teaching her class and was walking down the hall when she heard a music from one of the classes on her left side. Knowing that that class was the room that Portia always uses and also knowing that Portia didn’t have a class this afternoon, Jennifer walked towards the door and peeked into the room from the glass window. She thought that she would see Portia dancing as she usually does, but she was wrong. Jennifer raised her eyebrows when she saw Portia sat on the floor with her head and her back leaned to the wall behind her.

 

“Portia?” Jennifer called out while opening the door and stepping inside. “What are you doing here?”

 

Portia jolted and turned. “Hey, Jen. Your class is done already?” Portia asked, smiling.

 

Jennifer blinked her eyes in surprise when she saw Portia’s puffy eyes and red nose. Did Portia just cry? That idea felt oddly strange to Jennifer because for as long as she knew Portia, she had never, not even once, witnessed her crying. Now that she thought about it, she never even saw Portia with gloomy face. Portia had always been cheerful. Always.

 

“Portia, what’s going on?” Jennifer asked while dropping herself to the floor next to Portia. “You look….”

 

Portia chuckled and shook her hand. “Nothing,” she said lightly. And then she pointed at her nose and said, “It’s the allergy.”

 

“Oh, I see,” Jennifer smiled understandingly and not pushing Portia. Right, Portia couldn’t have been crying, she thought. She gestured to the CD player in the corner of the room with her chin and asked, “What song is this?”

 

“Fairy Tale,” Portia sighed.

 

“It’s nice,” Jennifer mumbled. “You’re gonna make a new choreography with this one?”

 

“I was planning to. But right now I can’t even come up with one good move,” Portia stood up, walked to the CD player and turned it off.

 

“Oh, Portia, didn’t you go the Dee Black Dance Company’s party last night?” Jennifer asked. “How was it? Fun?”

 

“Mm?” Portia mumbled nonchalantly. “So-so.”

 

Jennifer was hoping for a detailed story about the party that was held by one of the biggest dancing clubs in the country, but Portia didn’t seem to want to talk about it. So Jennifer quickly changed the subject. “By the way, you don’t have any teaching schedule, do you? You’re not going to Ellen’s?”

 

“No.”

 

“No? Why?”

 

“I don’t think I’ll ever go there again.”

 

“But, why?”

 

“Because she no longer needs my help.”

 

Jennifer furrowed her brow, then decided to carefully asked, “You’re fighting?”

 

Portia didn’t give out any answer, but Jennifer could see Portia’s face darkened. “Let’s talk about something else,” Portia muttered.

 

Portia’s demeanor strengthened Jennifer’s suspicion that Portia and Ellen were in the middle of a fight. But, she didn’t like to put her nose on someone else’s business, so she didn’t force Portia to tell anything to her. “Alright,” she said cheerfully. “How about lunch?”

 

Portia cringed and said, “Sorry, I…”

 

“Hello, guys.” A happy greeting from the door interjected Portia.

 

Jennifer and Portia turned around. “Oh, hi, Regina,” Jennifer greeted her back.

 

“Am I interrupting your gossiping session?” Regina joked while she walked towards the other two.

 

“Not at all,” Jennifer smiled.

 

Regina smiled widely, then looked at Portia. “I went to Ellen’s apartment. I thought you were there.”

 

“Oh, yeah?” Portia mumbled carelessly. “As you can see, I’m here.”

 

“Yes. Good for you that you didn’t go there today,” Regina continued, grimacing. “Ellen’s mood today’s really bad. And by ‘really bad’, I mean really, really, bad.”

 

Jennifer raised her eyebrows and glanced at Portia who seemed to not caring at all. 

 

“You know what’s wrong with her?” Regina asked, not realizing Portia’s stiffened face. “She almost didn’t want to talk to me at all and she looked like she was just told that her hand needs to be amputated so she could never play piano again for the rest of her life. Did she take the wrong pill or what?”

 

Portia shrugged without saying anything.

 

Regina thought for a while, then she shrugged her shoulders too and said, “Ah, well. Just let her be. You guys already had lunch? Wanna grab something together?”

 

Portia smiled apologetically. “You guys go. I already have a lunch date.”

 

Regina frowned. “With who?”

 

Jennifer couldn’t help but rolled her eyes hearing Regina’s tone. Jesus, that woman acted as if Portia was her girlfriend.

 

“Aaron,” Portia answered calmly. “You still remember Aaron, right? I promised him a lunch yesterday.”

 

Who the hell is Aaron? Jennifer thought to herself. She saw Regina’s eyes slightly squinted hearing that name. She was too curious, so she asked, “Who’s Aaron?”

 

“An old friend of mine,” Portia answered. “We met at the party yesterday.”

 

“Oh.” Jennifer mumbled and smiled. “Good-looking?”

 

This time Portia laughed. “Super,” she said.

 

Jennifer’s mouth shaped into a big O and she laughed too. The only one that wasn’t laughing in the room was Regina. Well, absolutely.

 

“Can I come to your lunch date?” Jennifer teased Portia.

 

Portia pretended to consider it for couple of seconds before shaking her head, “No.”

 

“Oh, come on.”

 

Portia laughed. And then right at that moment, her cellphone rang. Portia grabbed her handbag and pulled out her phone. She smiled a bit seeing the name on the screen before bringing the phone to her ear. “Hey, Aaron.”

 

Oh, Jennifer could clearly see Regina’s face changing. Really, that woman couldn’t hide her feelings for Portia. It was written all over her face. 

 

“Where?” Portia asked on the phone. “Oh, yeah, I know that place. Meet you there? Alright. I’m on my way.”

 

Portia ended the call and looked at Regina and Jennifer alternately. “Sorry, guys, but I gotta go now. I’ll see you later.”

 

After Portia grabbed her bag and exited the room, leaving Jennifer and Regina alone, Jennifer looked up to the other woman and muttered, “It seems like Portia really likes that Aaron guy.”

 

Of course Jennifer wasn’t thinking that way. First, she knew full-well that Portia’s gay. And second, come on. She always treats everybody like that. But Jennifer wanted to tease Regina a bit. That woman was really an easy catch. See it yourself, hearing Jennifer saying that Portia was probably attracted to Aaron, Regina directly snorted and pursed her lips. 

 

“You’re just gonna let her go?” Jennifer sighed.

 

Regina squinted her eyes, then looked at Jennifer. “Of course not.”

 

Oh, Jennifer loved seeing those people’s faces when they were head over heels in love with someone. Sometimes, they would even act stupidly. Jennifer smiled amusedly watching Regina stomped her feet on her way outside the classroom.

 

Poor Regina, Lucy thought and sighed to herself. It seemed that she really did like Portia. But, she was about to be heart-broken.

 

Jennifer was sure of that.

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Ellen had been frustrated for the entire day. Nothing could fix her mood. Everything was wrong on her eyes. Not even a thing could make her feel better, let alone happy. The cold air of December just made her more angry, the voices of people around her made her feel as if her head was hit by Thor’s hammer or whatever it’s called, the music on her brother’s studio that had always been able to soothe her sounded terribly false and discordant, made her even angrier. Essentially, today Ellen had been as terrifying as a contagious deadly disease. Nobody came near her, except her brother.

 

“Before you make all of my staffs resign themselves altogether, you’d better tell me what the hell had turned you into Mr. Hyde today,” Vance said while looking at Ellen sharply. His voice sounded firm and slightly annoyed, but also a bit amused.

 

Ellen leaned her back to one of the couch in her brother’s huge office room. Her eyebrows were still frowned in that horrifying shape and her face was still as dark as a stormy day. She looked at her brother who sat behind his desk irritatedly. “None of your staffs play the instruments decently. Not even close! And those violinists don’t even take any of this seriously. What do they think the whole recital would be? An elementary school’s annual show?” she snorted. “For god’s sake, with that kind of ability I’m not sure they’re good enough for an elementary school’s show!”

 

Her brother stayed silent while Ellen spilled out all of her frustration. After the rambling stopped and Ellen leaned her head back to the couch and shut her eyes, Vance asked quietly, “Do you wanna tell me what’s bugging your mind?”

 

“No.”

 

“You wanna tell Mom?”

 

“No.”

 

“You wanna tell Regina?”

 

“No!” Ellen’s eyes quickly opened and she looked at her brother in annoyance. “Why did you even ask those silly questions?”

 

Her brother sighed desperately. “Your demeanor looks like a person who haven’t got their daily dose of caffeine today.”

 

“Well, I have. And for your information, the coffee here tastes horrible,” Ellen grumbled and shut her eyes again, lying back to the couch.

 

“Why didn’t you drink your own coffee at your house?” Vance asked, confused.

 

“I did. It tastes as terrible as it is here.”

It doesn’t taste the same like that girl’s coffee. Ellen scowled when that idea crossed her mind.

 

Her brother shook his head. “If you don’t wanna talk about what makes you as cranky as you are now, you better go home and calm yourself down. You’re allowed to come here again when you’re already cooled down.”

 

Great! Ellen thought. Now not even her brother wanted her presence around. “Fine. I’ll leave,” she hissed and her jaws gritted. She jumped up from the couch, grabbed her jacket abruptly from the hanging and didn’t forget to slam the door behind her back on her way out. 

 

Her apartment felt weird when she came home that night. Weird because Ellen never thought that it could feel that empty. When she stepped into her apartment and turned the lamps on, she looked around the room and sighed. Why did it feel so empty?

 

Earlier she hoped – eventhough she knew that there’s only a really, really, really, slim chance that her wish could come true, or you could just say no chance at all, but she still hoped anyway – that there would be someone waiting for her when she came home, hoping that the girl’s voice would shout the usual, ”Ed, is that you?” from the kitchen when she opened the door. She hoped she could smell her cooking. She hoped… She hoped… She hoped…

 

She hoped that Portia de Rossi was at her apartment when she came home.

 

Oh, damned her. 

 

She had lived her whole life without that girl. Why did in all of a sudden, she needed that girl to stick around? Ellen shook her head to clear her mind. This doesn’t make any sense at all. She doesn’t make any sense at all. She decided to sleep earlier, hoping that tomorrow everything would be back to normal.

 

But no, her hope was still an empty hope. The day after, her mood was still messed up. And the next day, and the next day, and the next day. Ellen felt like she was living in actual hell.

 

But at least she tried as hard as she could to handle her emotion when she was working. She tried really hard not to snap at everybody who passed her by. She tried to restrain herself all day and her feelings were still no better when she came home to her empty apartment each night. In fact, she was feeling worse and worse.

 

What is happening to her?

 

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“What’s happening to me?” Ellen mumbled while she sipped her dry martini slowly.

 

“You, my boss and my good friend, are totally fucked up,” Andy, who was sitting next to her, answered. “Eventhough I have no idea what messed you up like this since you don’t wanna tell me.”

 

After 5 days of going home to her apartment every night feeling frustrated and with the worst mood she could ever have, Ellen had decided to call Andy and insisted her friend and her manager to have a drink with her outside. So here they were, side to side in a bar with a 1950’s Manhattan ambience around Soho neighborhood.

 

Ellen sighed and frowned. “She doesn’t want to pick up my calls.”

 

“Who?”

 

“She.”

 

“She who?”

 

“De Rossi.”

 

Andy looked at Ellen with an almost shocked expression. “Your body and soul had turned into this pathetic, horrible, and tragic form because Portia didn’t answer your calls?” he asked surprisedly.

 

“Of course not!” Ellen denied and shook her head. “I mean, that’s one of the reasons… But,… No, it’s not. I mean, I…. Oh, dammit!” Ellen finished her martini and wiped her face abruptly with her hand.

 

“Okay. So, she doesn’t want to pick up your calls,” Andy mumbled while playing with his glass. “Did you guys fight?”

 

Ellen didn’t answer.

 

“She must be really mad at you if she refuses to answer your calls like this.”

 

Ellen only scowled.

 

“Have you tried to apologize to her?”

 

Ellen looked at Andy annoyedly. “How do you think I suppose to apologize if she doesn’t even wanna pick up my calls.”

 

“Ah, you’re right. Sorry,” Andy muttered, nid-nodding his head. And then Ellen looked at him again with an offended face. “No need to be angry, Ellen. I’m just trying to help you out here.”

 

Ellen scoffed.

 

“Have you tried to visit her studio?”

 

“Yes. But that lady on the concierge desk always said that de Rossi doesn’t come today or de Rossi had just left,” she grumbled. “I’m sure that old lady lied.”

 

“Have you tried her apartment?”

 

“I have. But nobody answers. I don’t know if she’s not there or she just doesn’t want to open the door.”

 

“Wow, she’s really mad at you, dude.”

 

Ellen glanced at her friends in irritation. “Well, thanks so much for that useful and new information,” she said sarcastically.

 

“Stop those sarcasms, or else I won’t help you with this,” Andy said.

 

“I don’t recall pleading for your help.”

 

“Yeah? So you asked me to go out with you not to ask for help?” Andy asked amusedly. “Well, if so, would it be better if I let you drown to death alone in your own suffering?”

 

“Hi, guys. Sorry, I’m late.”

 

Ellen, who has opened her mouth to get back at Andy, quickly shut it when Regina suddenly appeared between them. She took place beside Ellen and ordered gin & tonic to the bartender.

"So what are you guys talking about?" Regina asked while looking to Ellen and Andy.

"About Ellen who still won't confess that she does need my help," Andy replied lightly.

Regina smiled broadly and looked back to Ellen. "How're you doing, El? Feeling better?"

Andy snorted. "Better? She's still as cranky as a bear without a partner on a mating season."

"Bear on a mating season?" Regina laughed out loud while Ellen deeply wish she could suffocate her manager to death.

"Actually, she's in the middle of a fight with Portia," Andy continued. The urge to punch Andy in the face got bigger and realer for Ellen. Couldn't Andy just shut his mouth already?

"You're fighting with Portia?" Regina asked her. "Oh my god, Ellen, what else have you done to her? Eventhough you're not in your best mood, don't take it out on her. She doesn't know anything."

Ellen scoffed and was really tempted to say that it was Regina who doesn't know a thing. But she decided against it and just let Regina drew a conclusion however she liked it. It wasn't possible for Ellen to tell Regina that she was in a bad mood because of Portia.

"Did you see Portia today?" Andy cut off. "Did she tell you that Ellen had made her upset or something?"

"I actually did earlier," Regina said. "No, she didn't look upset. In fact, she looked quite happy."

Ellen's head couldn't turn any faster to Regina. "Happy?" she asked doubtfully.

Regina sighed. "Uh-huh. Courtesy of Aaron Rogers."

Ellen furrowed. "Aaron Rogers?" That name sounded familiar.

"Yes," Regina suddenly said with fiery expression. "You remember Aaron Rogers, right, El? The guy who danced with Portia at the Dee's party. Her old friend."

Oh, that guy. 

"She's been spending lots of her time with that guy lately."

The frowns on Ellen's brow got even deeper. 

"As far as I know, Portia often visits the Dee Black club's studio since they're exercising for the upcoming show everyday," Regina said, sighing again. "Of course to meet that guy."

Ellen's jaws gritted subconsciously.

"I think she's kinda attracted to Aaron, tho," Regina continued her story, "so, I thought I needed to do what I need to do. What I've always needed to do."

Ellen blinked. 

"What is it exactly that you needed to do?" Andy asked.

Regina smiled brightly. "I finally spilled out my feelings towards her."

Ellen was stunned looking at her friend. She swore her heart stopped beating at all. What did she say? She already told de Rossi her feeling?

"Whoa, Regina. So you finally got Portia in your arms?" Andy chuckled. And then she added jokingly, "Ouch, I should've made a move faster. Shame."

Ellen stared at Regina without blinking her eyes. Her mind was completely blank. 

"Well, I congratulate you, buddy," Andy said and raised his glass for a toast.

But instead of raising her own glass, Regina seemed to hesitate. "Well,..." she mumbled while a hint of red started to appear on her face. "Actually, I haven't figured out yet how she feels towards me."

"Huh? What did you say?"

Regina inhaled and said with much clearer voice, "I haven't figured out yet how she feels towards me."

"But, how's that possible?" Andy asked, confused.

This time, Regina fidgeted a bit. "I talked to her this afternoon," she explained reluctantly. "I told her that.... You know, that I feel something towards her more than just a friend affection. She didn't look much surprised. Well, in fact, she only stared at me calmly. She was so calm while I was very nervous. So before she said anything to me, I told her that she didn't need to answer right away. She can think about this first before giving me any answer."

Ellen blew away her breath that she had subconsciously held. Then, she snorted on her friend's stupidity. After knowing that Portia hadn't answered Regina, she finally found her voice back. "And, you just ran away after that?" Ellen guessed, bored.

"Yeah, sort of," Regina mumbled sheepishly.

Andy laughed. "Gosh, Regina, you acted like a terrified teenager," he teased her. "But, anyway, when are you planning to ask her for her answer? You can't wait forever, right?"

Regina shrugged. "I think on Dee Black's premiere show, 2 days from now."

Ellen was stunned. "De Rossi will attend the show?"

"Of course. That Aaron guys is one of the main dancers. It's for sure that Portia will be there to support him," Regina said bitterly. "You've also received the invitation from Dee, right, El?"

Ellen nodded and thought. She had tried to call and to see Portia without any promising result for the last few days. That girl was completely avoiding her, yes? Okay, then. Now Ellen could see her at the Dee Black Dance Company's premiere show. That girl would surely be there. Ellen could finally meet her there. And when that time comes, Portia should listen to Ellen's explanation. She would tie her up on a chair, if necessary. 

"You'll come, too?" Regina asked.

A hint of glum smile appeared on Ellen's lips. "I think so."

"Hey, Ellen, the day after tomorrow we'll have a dinner appointment with your producers, remember?" Andy interjected. "Don't say you forgot I told you that."

Ellen groaned. "We can reschedule the dinner, right?"

Andy shook his head firmly. "No, no, no. You know they won't like it at all if you suddenly cancel the appointment when you already said yes from the beginning."

"I don't want to cancel it. Just changing it to another day," Ellen denied, eventhough she realized Andy was right. She couldn't possibly cancel the important dinner with her important producers. 

Seeing Andy sighed and shook his head repeatedly, Ellen groaned one more time and grumbled, "Alright, alright. Don't be so dramatic. I'll come."

After I deal with Portia, Ellen added inside her own head. 

The main thing was for Ellen to make sure that Portia would listen to her explanation word by word.