Tu Es Mon Soleil - Chapter 32

The New Year celebration had passed and a week after that Ellen found herself busied by Andy and the preparation of her upcoming concert. Since Ellen's hand had healed, Andy didn't want to waste any more time and got back to work immediately.

Ellen knew that Portia was already back in New York, but thanks to all the hustle and bustle, she hadn't had any chance to see that girl at all. Ellen only had some free time to call her and asked how she's been doing, and even so, they could only talk for some short amount of time because Ellen needed to go back to work while Portia.... Well, Portia also seemed to be busy.

Actually everytime Ellen asked Portia what she's up to at the moment, Portia only replied with, "Nothing big."

Initially, Ellen didn't really think about it, but now that some time had passed, well, that girl did seem to be busy. Sometimes she even didn't pick up the calls. And some other times, Portia talked hurriedly as if she had to hang up real fast.

Ellen frowned while she played with a pen on her hand, knocking it to the desk of her producer who said that he wanted to discuss about some important things, but they had waited for 15 minutes and the producer still hadn't showed up. Ellen was fully aware that she wouldn't be able to concentrate on her work when the thought of Portia was still haunting her like this. And she was determined to find out what's going on. And that's exactly why she had to see Portia right now.

"Andy, I'm going," Ellen said while rising from the couch and snatching her coat.

"Whoa, El, wait a sec. Where are you going?" Andy asked in surprise. "The meeting will start anytime soon and you're just gonna take off? What excuse should I give to your producer?"

"Andy, I believe in you," Ellen said while putting on her coat and smiled to her manager. "No problem's too big for you. That's your life motto, right? And about the excuse, I believe you will come up with something. I hand over all of our works to you. And now, I have to go see someone and get some things done."

Andy sighed heavily, but then smiled. "This is all about Portia de Rossi, isn't it?" I told you, El, that girl really got you on your knees."

Ellen rolled her eyes but didn't say anything. She marched towards the office door and opened it with one quick pull. Before exiting the room, she looked back to Andy and said, "Thanks, Andy. I owe you."

Andy laughed and shook his hand. "Oh yeah, your debts to me is as tall as the  Empire State Building right now. Don't worry. I'll collect it one day."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That girl wasn't answering Ellen's call. Ellen ended the useless call and drove her car towards the studio that Portia teaches in. Maybe she was busy teaching and couldn't answer the call.

But Portia wasn't in her studio. At least that's what the woman on the front desk told her. So, where's Portia de Rossi right now? Jesus, Ellen wouldn't be so jumpy if only that girl picked up.

Suddenly a blonde girl walked by the front desk and said to the woman, "Agnes, I'm going out for lunch, okay? You want something?"

"No, thanks, Jen," the Agnes woman replied.

Ellen was about to turn away and leave when she heard somebody called her name. "You're Ellen, right?"

Ellen turned back and looked at the blonde girl who just said her name. That girl looked a bit familiar, Ellen thought. 

Ah, right. She's Portia's friend, wasn't she?

"Yes, and you're Jennifer, friend of de Ro-- I mean, Portia," Ellen replied.

The blonde girl smiled. "I'm glad you still remember me. You're looking for Portia here?"

"Yeah, but she doesn't seem to be here. Do you know where she is?" Ellen asked.

Jennifer raised her eyebrows in confusion. "Oh, hasn't she told you? She stopped teaching here for a while because she accepted the offer of performing in Dee Black Dance Company's show. So I guess you should be able to find her in their studio."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dee clapped her hands twice and shouted, "Very good, kids. That's a wrap for now, we'll continue tomorrow."

Portia wiped her temple with the back of her hand and tried to manage her breathing. "Portia, honey, you are magnificent!" Dee complimented while patting Portia's shoulder when she walked past her. Portia thanked her with a low voice because she was still struggling on managing the air circulation on her body. Then she slumped herself down on the floor, pulled out a bottle of water from her bag and drank.

She had been spending her mornings and days rehearsing in Dee Black Dance Company's studio for the last week. Yes, she accepted Dee's offer to perform on a special show that Dee had planned. She knew that her weak body condition would be a barrier, but she still wanted to dance. For god's sake, she was a dancer. She had to dance. And she also wanted very badly to dance on a Broadway stage, at least once in her life.

She had thought about this decision thoroughly, weighing the pros and cons, and even breaking it down with her doctor and her parents-- oh, of course they didn't jump up and down in excitement about this decision, but they understood Portia's wish and eventually gave up in reluctant. So Portia did accept Dee's offer.

Problem was, up until now she hadn't told Ellen about this at all. Portia had no idea why she was so nervous only by imagining about Ellen's reaction to this news. The ideas of telling Ellen was even more dreadful than telling her parents. But Portia knew that she had to tell Ellen anytime soon.

Somebody sat down next to her and snapped Portia out of her thoughts. She lifted her face and saw Aaron who was smiling at her. "Tired?" he asked.

Portia nodded. "Aren't you? You have to go on another rehearsal for other show after this, right?"

"You know I'm used to tough training," he replied lightly. "You're the one who's used to being lazy, Portia. That's why a tiny bit of rehearsal like this had made you out of breath and pale like this."

Portia only replied with a smile.

"But you haven't lost your touch a bit," Aaron added. "You still are a great dancer. And I'm happy to have the chance of dancing with you again."

"Ditto," Portia shortly replied and put her bottle back in her bag.

Aaron jumped up with one smooth motion and offered his hand to Portia. Portia smiled brightly, clung her bag to her shoulder and reached for Aaron's hand, letting him pull her up smoothly.

"I still don't understand your decision on resigning from the company, but that's alright. I guess you'll tell me one day when you're ready to do so," Aaron said and tightened her grip on Portia's hand while staring at her eyes deeply. And then he smiled a little bit. "But for now, let's show the world how good we are on the stage."

Portia laughed. Aaron's words had shot yet another fire of hope in her heart. She snaked her hands around Aaron's torso and hugged him for a while. "Thank you so much, Aaron," she muttered. "See you tomorrow."

Portia turned away and froze in her place when she saw who was standing on the threshold of the studio door. 

Ellen DeGeneres.

And that woman didn't smile at all when she stared sharply at Portia with furrowed brows.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Seeing Portia hugging that Aaron whoever-he-was made Ellen's blood boiling inside her body and she was overwhelmed by the urge to hurt that guy physically. But when that girl turned around and was blatantly shocked to see Ellen standing there, Ellen caught a glimpse of guilt in Portia's eyes and that had made her feel a little bit better. Just a little bit.

Portia bit her lip and walked up to the door, approaching Ellen. She tried to offer Ellen a smile, maybe in the hope that it could ease Ellen's anger. "Hey," she greeted quietly, and then cleared her throat. "What are you doing here?"

Ellen stared down at the girl who was standing very nervously before her with squinted eyes. "Oh, how funny," she mumbled flatly. "I was about to ask you the same thing."

Portia opened her mouth. "I'm...."

"We'll talk about this while having lunch," Ellen interjected coldly, then grasped Portia's elbow and dragged her away.

40 minutes later they were already sitting in front of each other in a small restaurant near Ellen's apartment. Ellen was still angry, but her anger had eased down for the last 40 minutes. Now all she wanted was an explanation. So after the waiter wrote down their orders and left the table, Ellen folded her arms and said, "So, you're joining Dee's show."

Portia inhaled deeply and licked her lips. "I am," she answered quietly. Her blue eyes looked up to Ellen hesitantly. "I really want to do it."

"Didn't the doctor tell you to stop dancing due to your heart condition?"

"Yes, but since it's only a one-time show, and because i'm not their official dancer, I don't need to do the training as hard as everybody else does, night and day," Portia hurriedly explained. "I've told Dee that I'm only able to rehearse from morning to noon. Of course I didn't tell her the real reason, but she agreed. Other dancers are obliged to train like crazy for the show and performing at night. I've been joining the rehearsal for the last one week and there hasn't been any complications so far."

"NO COMPLI--" 

"I've given deep thoughts about this, Ed," Portia cut in before Ellen could yell at her face. "And I've discussed this with my parents and Dr. Schultz. I've promised them that if the rehearsals are proven to be too much for me, I'd stop. And I promise you the same thing right now. I'm not gonna push myself on this. Trust me. I do want to be healthy."

Ellen opened her mouth to say something, but Portia cut her off again. "But, I also want to dance," she said softly. "Back then, I resigned myself from the company before I could prove myself on stage to the world. My dream is the same with any other dancers' dreams. I want to dance on a big show. I want to dance for a Broadway show, on the stage, under the spotlight."

Portia stopped for a moment to breathe. Her eyes were glistening and she squeezed both of her hands on the table. Seeing Portia in this state made Ellen's chest ached. 

After she gulped, Portia continued, "I want to dance as long as I'm still able to do it, before I'm incapable to do it. I think this really is my last chance, Ed, please don't interrupt me. You know full-well that I'm in need of a new heart. Dr. Schultz had told me that. Now my heart's condition is going down very quickly. You know that, too. So I really hope you understand my decision."

"You've told your doctor and your parents. Why haven't you told me yet? Why do you seem to be hiding this from me?"

Portia seemed a bit bashful when she shrugged. "I don't know," she frankly answered. "I guess I just don't want you to be worried. But I was planning on telling you today, I swear."

"When's the show?"

"3 weeks from now."

Ellen stayed silent. She was busy with her thoughts while observing the pale and nervous Portia in front of her. The girl just said that she didn't want to make Ellen worry about her, but Ellen did worry about her. Almost everyday, if not every second. Why did this girl make her feel that way? Ellen knew that she wouldn't be able to live in peace if she couldn't make sure that Portia's okay with her very own eyes. And besides, Ellen once promised Portia's mom that she would look after Portia. So......... Very well, this was what she's going to do. She pulled out a piece of blue paper from her jacket's pocket, put it on the table, and shoved it towards Portia.

Portia looked down to a piece of paper in front of her confusedly, but once she recognized the paper, her eyes widened in shock and her body tensed up. She stared at the paper and Ellen back and forth.

"In case you forgot, it's a Wishing Voucher to Portia de Rossi that you gave me as a Christmas present," Ellen said calmly. "I decided to propose my first wish right now."

"B-but," Portia stuttered. And then she blinked and stared at Ellen with frowned eyebrows. "Are you going to ask me to sign out of the show? Are you going to ask me to cancel my decision? Are you going to ask me to stop dancing?" she asked accusingly. 

Ellen was about to answer but had to shut her mouth again when the waiter came back with their orders. After the waiter left, Ellen leaned over and said, "I think a hundred of that blue papers won't be able make you quit the show. No, that's not what I'm asking you to do."

Portia's body loosen up immediately. She blinked again and looked at Ellen in suspicion. "So, what's your wish?"

"Starting from today, you're going to live with me, in my apartment."

Portia's eyes widened in shock. "Excuse me?"

Ellen hurriedly explained. "De Rossi, your mother once told me that she and your father aren't really fond of the idea of you living alone in your apartment. They'll feel more peaceful and settled if you live with them in Huntington. I deeply understand their concerns and I'm sure you do, too. They worry about your condition and they worry about what could happen at anytime."

Portia nodded a bit, waiting for Ellen to continue. She was still too bewildered to say anything.

"But I also know that it will be highly unpractical if you should commute back and forth from Huntington to New York everyday, especially now that you have to rehearse for Dee's show," Ellen continued. "And I think it's also highly improbable for you to live with Jennifer or any of your friends without explaining your health condition. But, you can live with me. I know everything about your condition. And you've stayed at my place several times. Moreover, your parents will be a bit less worried if they know that there's somebody by your side."

Portia looked over to Ellen hesitantly. "But,..."

"I'm not asking you to move all of your things to my apartment, de Rossi. You still can have your own current apartment, so all you need to bring is some essential things you need daily," Ellen added.

"But why are you doing this?" Portia asked and stared at Ellen's eyes. "Why do you want to go out of your way to help me?"

Ellen sighed heavily. "You know why," she said. "Besides, I have to keep my words to your parents."

Portia's face was slightly blushing while she bit her lip and unintentionally stirred the mushroom soup in front of her. "You know that this wish is reasonable, de Rossi. And you promised to grant me any reasonable wish," Ellen said while pointing at the blue paper.

"You know what?" Portia mumbled and lifted her face, a hint of smile was on her lips. "You should've used this voucher to ask me to do something for you, not for me."

"Oh, don't get it wrong, de Rossi. I propose this wish for the advantage of myself and myself only. For the peacefulness of my mind and soul," Ellen denied.

"Peacefulness of your mind and soul?" Portia repeated with raised eyebrows. Ellen nodded. "And so that I can work with full concentration."

Portia frowned in confusion.

"You wanna know another plus point if you live with me? I get to drink your coffee every morning," Ellen said smiled broadly. "How about that? Are those reasons reasonable enough for you to grant my wish?"

"I guess I don't really have a choice, do I?" Portia asked back.

Ellen laughed and shook her head. "Nope."

Portia stared at her blue voucher on the table. And then she took it and put it inside her jean's pocket. "Very well, Ellen DeGeneres. I grant you your wish."

And Ellen was sure that she had never felt as relieved as she was right now.